â™ª [music] â™ª - [david] hello, everyone. today, i amwith a new amazing woman. she's marci shimoff. you can maybe know her books,happy for no reason, and if you don't know this book yet, you have to buy this booknow. don't wait for the end of the interview. go to amazon and find thisbook. i will ask her how to be a great woman, how to be happy with no reason, andi have a huge example today, you will know about that. so hello, marci. - [marci] so good to haveyou here, david. thank you. - i am so glad. i am very happy to be hereand to do the interview with you.
- yes, you are such a great and shiningexample of being happy for no reason. i see it in your eyes. - okay, and i have a true example today.it is the first time i meet you and it is the first time of my life that i have... idon't know how to say that in english, with my car, no gas... how do you say... ?- you ran out of gas in your car. - yes.- just five minutes from my house. - yes, five minutes and i was thinking,"oh shit..." and i felt some bad feeling and i was thinking about your book happyfor no reason and i was thinking what is a perfect example for today.
- it is, you know. let me tell you what imean by happy for no reason because a lot of people get it a little bit wrong. whati mean by happy for no reason is having an inner state of peace and well-beingregardless of the circumstances. so it doesn't mean thatyou're walking around, 24/7, with a silly grin on your face.it doesn't mean that you're in some pollyanna state of denial. you stillhave emotions. your car runs out of gas, you feel frustrated or maybe a littleanxiety. someone dies, you feel grief. you still might have frustration andanger, but behind that, you've got this inner backdrop of peaceand well-being, all is okay,
and so you're able tomake it through all those kinds of circumstances with greaterresilience, and you get through it better, and you do a great job of showing that. - thank you very much. so can you sharesome keys to get back in the happiness when some circumstances arrived like that. - sure, well, let's start at the beginningon the whole happiness journey, if that's okay.- yes. - is that all right?- i would love... - yeah, because people are always askingme if i was always happy and the answer is
absolutely not. i came out of the wombunhappy. i was an unhappy kid, and i did what most people do. i set certain goalsfor myself, and i thought that once i get those goals, i'll be happy you know? i call this the myth of"i'll be happier when..." i'll be happier when i have a better job,or more money, or when i get married, or when i get divorced, or when i lose 20pounds, you know. it's always out there, and i have that too. and so when i was...i don't know how old you are, but i'm going to guess you're...- twenty-five. - twenty-five, okay, so when i was 25, ihad five goals for myself. and i thought,
"if i get these five goals, that is all ineed to be happy," and they were to have a great career helping people, to havewonderful friends, a great life partner or husband, a fabulous home, and theequivalent of halle berry's body. and i got four out of the five. i don'thave halle berry's body, but i got the other four, and i have a healthybody at least, and i will tell you, it still didn't do it. here was my turningpoint. and i think a lot of people can relate to this and i don't know...i'm sure you've achieved a lot of things, so maybe you'll be able to relate.- i'm sure i know this feeling. - yes, so it was 1998, and i hadthree books at the same time
on the new york times best seller list,in the top five. i was the coauthor of all the women's book in the chicken soupfor the soul series, so three of my books were in the top five on the new yorktimes list. i had just given a talk to 8000 people. i had autographed 5432 books.the client had to have a massage therapist on hand to massage my hand every half hourso i didn't get carpal tunnel syndrome. i felt like an author rock star. it waslike the height of everything, and all the other things in my life wereworking too, the goals i had set out: great friends, a wonderful home,a great life partner, healthy. at the end of signing that last book,autographing that last book, i went up
to my hotel room, which was the penthousesuite that my client had gotten for me, and i plopped onto the bed, and i burstinto tears. i burst into tears because i realized i had everything i thoughti ever needed to be happy, and i still wasn't. that was the end of the line for me. icould no longer continue to think that just that next thing was going to do itfor me. and i think that that's happening everywhere these days. people arerealizing, "well, i'm achieving some of my goals or most of my goals, and stillthere's an emptiness inside." you know, we have more as a society than anybody's everhad in history, and we're no happier than
we were 50 years ago. in fact, i thinkless happy. one out of four women is on antidepressants. we have an epidemic ofunhappiness. and so that's the bad news, but the good news, david, is that sciencehas cracked the happiness code. we know what it takes to be happier. it's nothard, and i know you want to get practical and i'll share some things. - yeah, i would love to know other thingsabout that. i would just like to say that i can relate to that because six monthsago, i was, as you were saying, achieving all my dreams and meeting amazing peopleand i was at the top of my bad feeling. and i was thinking, "oh shit, i'm achievingeverything i want and i can't be happy
now." and it was a turning point for me,so i am very glad to talk about that. - you know, here's what i learned fromscience. science is, as i said, cracking the happiness code. the most sort ofinspiring piece of research to me is that we all have a happiness set-point. it'slike a thermostat setting, and no matter what happens to us, whether it's good orbad, we will hover around that thermostat setting, around that set-point, unless wedo something to change it. so even when great things happen, you know, people winthe lottery, for example, they're happier for a few months. but within a year,they've returned to their original happiness level. and the same is true ofpeople who have tragedies. within about
a year, they've returned totheir happiness level. so it's all in the set-point. the set-point is half genetic, you're bornwith that. it's 10%, and only 10% your life circumstances. we're all so busyrunning around, trying to change our circumstances to be happier, it's only 10%of the whole pie, the whole puzzle there. the other 40% is our habits, thoughts, andbehavior. that's what we can do something about to raise our happiness set-point.and there are some progressive scientists like bruce lipton, who wrotethe biology of belief. - i love him.- love him too. and they say that that 50%
that's genetic, that will change when youchange your habits, which means that 90% of your happiness can be changedby changing some simple habits. - wow, let's talk about that. whatis the habits you have to change? - okay the habits, so they fall into sevenmain areas. and i'll just go quickly through the seven areas, and you can seewhere you might be stronger or weaker. and i tell people to start where they'rethe weakest. people have a hard time remembering seven of anything, so i madea little analogy, and i call it, "building your inner home for happiness." soa home has seven components. it's got a foundation, four corner pillars, a roof,and a garden. so the foundation is taking
responsibility for your happiness, notwaiting for something else to change for you to be happier, but going, "okay,i get it, there's a set-point and i can do something about it." - it is my responsibility to be happy. - totally, and your responsibility torecognize that it's not going to come from your circumstances, that it's going tocome from you changing some habits. so that's step number one.- foundation. - foundation. four corner pillars: pillarof the mind, pillar of the body, pillar of the heart, and pillar of the soul. so whatare you thinking, what are you feeling,
what are you doing to support your body,and how plugged into your spirit are you? so those four corner pillars. then there'sthe roof, and the roof is your purpose or passion in life. are you really livingan inspired life? are you living your calling? and then the garden is who areyou surrounding yourself with? do you have a lot of toxic people in your life? i callthem the weeds. or do you have a lot of roses and lilies and beautiful flowers,the supportive people who are really out to help you with your dreams? - you are saying that yourenvironment is very important to build this kind of happiness, right?
- well, the people you surround yourselfwith. every parent knows, they care who their children spend time with becausethey know that children are influenced by their friends. it's the same with adults.they say that we catch...there's a phenomenon called emotional contagion.it says that we catch the emotions of the people around us, just like we catch theircolds. and so just ask yourself... we become the average of the five peoplethat we spend the most time with. so ask yourself who are your five and do you wantto catch their emotions, because that's a really important one. but you look atall seven of those areas and what i tell people is rate yourself,on a scale of 1 to 10.
- okay, in each area.- in each area, how well am i doing in this area? and where you're thelowest, we call that your achilles heel, that's where you want to start.so for somebody, they don't really have the physiology, the body tosupport happiness. they don't have the happiness chemicals like serotonin andoxytocin and endorphins, and they need to focus on what can i do to build thephysiology of happiness. for some people, they're stuck in anger and resentment andlack of forgiveness. they need to work on their heart, on letting love in. somepeople just have too much thinking, that is quite negative, they need tofocus on their mind. some people are
disconnected from their spirit, they don'tspend time in silence or in meditation or in communing with nature or with theuniverse. some people are really not living their passion, you know. - a lot of people.- yeah, a lot of people actually. so look at which of these areas are youthe weakest in and then start there. i have 21... i've discovered there are21 main happiness habits and they fall into these seven areas.and so you want to start where you're the weakest to get thefastest growth. how about if i give you three specific things that anybodywho is watching today can do?
- i would love...- yeah? - let's do that.- okay, where do we want to start? let's start with the heart.- yes. - i love that. it's a good place to start.so there is research that shows that when you're angry for five minutes, it willsuppress your immune system for six hours. when you're frustrated or angry or in whatscience calls the stress response for just five minutes, it can suppress your immunesystem for six hours. but when you're feeling love, when you're feelinggratitude, when you're feeling joy and ease, it can strengthen your immune systemfor six hours, just five minutes of that.
so i'm going to share with you rightnow a very quick -- it will only take two minutes -- a very quick technique to moveus from the stress response into what science calls the love response. you cando it anytime, anywhere. is that good? - wow.- yes. - want to do it?- i will do it. - okay. here's what we're going to ask,though. we're going to ask that everybody who's watching us do it along withus, because really this is where the difference is made is when you'redoing this. you can watch us do it, but it won't be that much fun. but please,
do it along with us.- take action now. - take action and use your own life as anexperiment to see if this works for you. okay, ready?- yes. - so first, you can do it with your eyesopen or closed, but wer'e going to do it with our eyes closed because it will go alittle deeper, so please close your eyes if you can. the first step is to simplyplace the palm of your hand over your heart. now that simple act of putting yourhand on your heart starts the flow of a chemical called oxytocin. and oxytocinis dubbed the love hormone because it's what we have more of when we feel bondedand connected with each other. so mothers
who are breastfeeding have lots ofoxytocin, and when we make love, we have lots of oxytocin. but just puttingour hand on our heart right now is helping the flow of oxytocin. now, the secondstep is to imagine that you're breathing in and out through the center of yourheart. and you can just picture that or you can feel that, that your breath iscoming into your heart, and your breath is going out of your heart. at your ownpace, you're breathing into your heart, you're breathing out of your heart. you'reinhaling into the heart, exhaling out of the heart. and already, you might befeeling some kind of shifts in your body or in your emotions. finally, the thirdstep is on each in-breath, i want you to
imagine that you're breathing in love,compassion, and ease; love, compassion, and ease. now at your own pace,breathe into your heart love, compassion, and ease. on the exhale, you can justexhale normally. each inhale, imagine breathing in love, breathing incompassion, breathing in ease, and you can think of a time when you feltthose or you can just say the words to yourself and it will have the sameeffect. so one last time, breathing deeply into your heart: love, ease, andcompassion. and on your exhale, you can slowly open your eyes and takeyour hand away, and just sit for a few seconds. and notice if you feel anydifferent now than you did two minutes
ago. and david, you're my guinea pigbecause i can talk to you and i can't talk to you, so i'm going to ask you howdifferent do you feel now than you did two minutes ago?- i am more in the now. - ah, more present.- yes. - great, great, great. anything else? - i feel kind of a peace inside. - good, good. so these are symptoms ofthe love response being present, feeling peace. some people feel more grounded ormore balanced. some people have physical sensations like warmth in their heartor tingling in their hands and feet.
and all of these are signs of going intothe love response. and here's the deal, doing it once is just a nice experience,but nothing will really happen. what will make a difference is if you dothis three times a day for the next two weeks. you will start to make a habitof being in the love response. - okay, the new connection. - exactly, you're creating newconnections, new neural pathways. i've done this thousands of times. and nowall i have to do is put my hand up to my heart, and i feel this incredible wave ofease, peace, love, openness just by making that a habit. and you can do this whileyou're standing in line at the grocery
store, while you're sitting on the phonetalking to somebody, while you're sitting in a business meeting and you're bored,nobody has to know what you're doing. - yes, when you are waiting for...to be helped in a car, - that's right. that's right, when you'rewaiting, when you've run out of gas in your car and you're waiting to get somehelp. so simple, but don't underestimate the power of simple practices to reallychange your happiness set-point. - yeah, it was great. i am very thankfulto you because it's a practical things to do and i love that. - good.- take action.
- good, well i promised you...- so apply it. - that's right, that's right.so i promised you three. - yes.- so you want two more? - i want two more. - okay, here we go. well, first, let's doa little experiment, and it's about the power of our minds. now i know youknow all of the research out there, you've interviewed so many people. and i know youknow that our minds are crazy powerful. we have, on average, 60,000 thoughtsa day, and for the average person, 80% of those are negative. we inheritedthat from our caveman ancestors,
the ability or the tendency to focuson the negative over the positive. so if you get 10 compliments in a daybut one criticism, what do you remember at the end of the day?- the criticism. - that's right, so happier people haveearned to refocus their attention on the positives. and by doing that, they'recreating new neural pathways in the brain that allows them more often than not tonotice what's positive because we have... i've heard different numbers, but billionsof bits of information come into us in every moment, and we only perceive thatwhich we're looking for, and that which we're looking for is that which we're usedto, which we've habituated perceiving.
so if we have a habit of perceiving thenegative, that's what we're going to see. it's as though we have these dark-coloredglasses on and the world looks that way. but when we start making a habit ofperceiving the positive, we start seeing the positive that's already out there.we can also change our own reality by perceiving things differently. this iswhere i want to do this experiment with you. it's a really cool one, you ready?- yes, i'm ready. - all right, so this is for everybody athome too, which... where do i look to show them, because i want to showeverybody at home this. - okay, here.- here, here, very good. so we all have,
at the very bottom of our palm,a crease. at the very top of your wrist, bottom of your palm, right there,you have a top crease. do you see it?- okay. - the top crease. i want you tomatch it up with your other palm, like it's a science experiment. makesure they're matched just right, okay? and then move your hands together likethat, very carefully, and notice that one hand is longer generally than another.do you see...is one of your hands longer than another a little bit?- yes. - yes. take the one that's shorter... andif you don't have one that's shorter, you
can take either one, but if you have onethat shorter, i want you to take it and put it out in front of you, okay? andyou're going to talk to this hand, and you're going to talk very lovinglyto this hand, but you're going to tell it to grow. and we're going to do this forabout 20 seconds. i want you to say it out loud with me and just very lovingly,as you speak to it, i want you to see it growing, okay? so grow.- grow. - grow. say out loud with me.- grow. - grow.- i need to speak french. - oh, you can say it in french. grow,grow, grow. oh you, beautiful hand, grow,
grow, oh grow, you're such a good hand,grow. and see it growing. grow, grow, grow. okay, ready? - yes.- we're going to do the same experiment again. match those lines up perfectly,bring the hands back together, and see what happened. did it grow?- yes. - yes. so that's how powerful your mindis. our mind creates changes in our body, it creates changes in our world. by theway, i do this in large groups of people, and usually men look at me and ask meafterwards, "does that work on all body parts?" so it's just a great demonstrationto show how much, how powerful our minds
are, and what we put our attention ongrows stronger in our lives. so when you put your attention on what's good, what'sworking in your life, that's what you will get more of. there's research on happinessthat shows that people who write down a list of the five things that they'regrateful for every day, at the end of the day, within 30 days, they will have raisedtheir happiness set-point, super simple process. so what i suggest that peopledo... one of those women that i interviewed for happy for no reason saysshe plays a little game. it's called the happiness academy awards. and every day,she pretends that she's the academy awards committee, and she's on the lookout foranything she can give an academy award to.
so one day, she was out for a walk and shesees a cute fluffy, little, white dog and it's the cutest dog she's seen. and shesays, "oh, that dog wins my academy award of the day for the cutest dog." or shesees a beautiful tree, or somebody does a wonderful act of kindness for her. she'son the lookout for every day to, at least in her mind, give away five academyawards. so it's a game. if you've got children, it's a great gameto play with your kids. - yeah, i love that. pretty simple. - second one. okay, now i knowyou want the third, don't you? - yes.
- people are always asking me what'sthe fast track to happiness. you know, if there was any one thing that was thething that supercharged happiness, what would that be? and while i think there area lot of different things, i think there is one in particular, and that isforgiveness. when we hold on to anger, when we hold on to resentment, we are nothurting the other person. we're hurting ourselves by closing our heart. it's veryhard to feel happy, to feel good, when we're contracted. and anger and lack offorgiveness is very, very contracting. i'm going to share with you, in a minute,a practice that i do that, to me, is the most powerful practice, one of the mostpowerful practice i've ever done.
- just before, do you think we haveto forgive to ourselves before? - oh, i definitely think self-forgivenessis a key. and it doesn't even matter, when you need to forgive another person, itdoesn't even matter that you do it with them in person, or that you even let themknow. you're doing it for your sake. the person can be dead. - it can be your father. - yeah, an ancestor that's passed away.and the idea is that this anger, this lack of forgiveness tightens us up. i lovedoing demonstrations, so can we do one more little demonstration beforei give you my technique?
- yes, i would love.- okay. it's a demonstration that shows the difference between contractedenergy and expanded energy. there's only two energies in theuniverse: energy of contraction, energy of expansion. when we arein the energy of expansion, we are in the happiness zone. we're moving in thehappiness flow. when we're contracted, we are not. so let me prove this to you.i'd like you all, and i'd like you all to do this with me. i'd like you tocurl into a little ball and get really contracted. and on the count of three, i'dlike you to say, "i feel happy." ready? one, two,three, i feel happy. okay,sit up. did you feel happy?
- not at all.- no. not at all. you might have felt a little stupid, butnot happy. hard to feel happy like this, when you're contracted.the opposite is also true. when you're expanded, like this,it's hard to feel bad. - yes.- so go like that. on the count of three, we'regoing to say, "i feel depressed." ready? one, two, three. - [together] i feel depressed. - did you feel depressed?- a lot.
- no. it's hard when you're feeling soexpanded that you don't feel depressed. - you can't.- you feel joyful. you know, when you're smiling, it's hard to feel depressed.- yes. - so one of the fastest ways to moveinto this expansion zone is through forgiveness. and there are manyforgiveness techniques out there, but the one that i like most is one perhapsyou've heard of its called ho'opono'pono. - i've heard about that,but i don't know it. - oh good, then we're going to teach it toyou. and here's the good news, you never have to be able to say the word"ho'opono'pono." it's a hawaiian word,
it's a very hard one to pronounce, anddoing the practice of it is much easier than saying ho'opono'pono. so here's whatit is. all you do is you get an image in your mind of the person or the situationthat you need to forgive, it can be yourself as well, and you send these fourphrases to the situation, to the universe basically, and the four phrases are:i'm sorry, please forgive me, thank you, i love you. i'm going to repeat those:i'm sorry, please forgive me, thank you, i love you. you don't need to say them tothe other person at all. it's a matter of shifting in your heart. and you'resaying... these four phrases have a very high energetic vibration. i have taughtthis to people for years. i've seen
miracles happen. i've seen miracles happenin my own life. do we have time for me to share with you a story about that? - yes, i love stories.- okay, stories. so about four years ago, my sisterand i got in an argument, and we weren't talking to each other.and this had never happened in our family before, so it was very uncomfortable.but i was being very stubborn and i was not seeing things from her point of viewat all. and about four months into this situation, our whole family gathered atour mother's new home, she had just moved into assisted living, and wegathered to unpack her things.
so i was really nervous because it wasthe first time i'm seeing my sister, since we've been in this silenttreatment. and when i came in, i hugged and kissed everybodyhello except her. i ignored her. she ignored me. we went through the wholemorning ignoring each other. it was so uncomfortable. everybody could feelthe tension in the air. and after a full morning of this, i was so stressed out, idecided to go to my car and take a break. on the way to the car, i rememberedho'opono'pono. so i sat in my car, i closed my eyes, and i just thought of mysister and i sent her those phrases: i'm sorry, please forgive me, thank you,i love you. and i also sent them to myself
because i've been upset at myself as well.well, after about maybe seven minutes of doing this... - so you repeated that.- i just repeat it, internally, not out loud, just inside, not out loud,just feeling them in my heart. after about six or sevenminutes of feeling that... - did you visualize her? - i did. i did. i just felt her andvisualized her. and after about six or seven minutes of that, i felt this wave oflove come over me. my heart broke wide open, and i suddenly saw everything frommy sister's point of view. i saw that she
wasn't angry at me for what had happeneda few months earlier. it was a lifetime of stuff. and i understood totally and i hadcompassion and i felt so much love for her. i went back into the apartmentfeeling completely different, but i decided not to say anything to anybody.i just go back in, i continue unpacking. three minutes after i'm back, my sistercomes to me, out of the blue, she takes me by the hand, and she says, "come on,let's go unpack mom's closet together," as though nothing had ever happened.we had a great time doing that. an hour later, we're at lunch, shehands me her baked potato and says, "here, marci, i know you like these morethan i do." i was so surprised that i
pulled my brother aside and i said,"what did you tell her while i was gone?" and he said...- nothing. - "nothing. we have no idea what's justhappened." well, david, that was the beginning of an entirely differentrelationship that i now have with my sister. and it happened at a critical timebecause nine months later, she and i found ourselves standing in that very samecloset of our mother's. this time, we were packing up mom's clothes, because ourmother had just died very unexpectedly. and i cannot imagine what that would havebeen like had she and i still been mad at each other. and i tell that story becausei know that every single person listening,
watching, every single person in the worldhas someone that they need to forgive, and including themselves.- yeah, a lot. - a lot, ourselves, so i say don't takemy word for it. use your life as an experiment. try it out. do it, you know,maybe every day for a week or two, and see what happens in your life.see what miracles happen. - yeah, i love that. huge and amazing,you were saying, thank you very much. - it's great. i will try it.i will do it the next time. - yay. great. - i have a lot of questions to ask you andi would like to ask you something. today,
you have another mindset than before, inthe past? do you think you could have the same success if, at the beginning,you were like you are today? because sometimes, the fact that you werethinking that you will be happy after... - right, did it motivate me?- yes. - did i need that belief that that thingwas going to make me happy to motivate me to want to do what i've done?- yes. - well, that's such a really goodquestion. i really appreciate that question.- i wonder myself... - i think it's a myth. i think we allinnately have a purpose for being here.
- i think so. - and it's a purpose that will bring usjoy and bring us expansion and happiness. and we've grown up with the belief thatit's through self-criticism, through pain, through suffering, that we're going tomotivate ourselves. and i don't think that's true because i can tell you,i created a lot of success in that old model of being motivated to succeedso i would be happy. so that works. you can still be successful. - not happy, but successful. - not happy, but successful. but i alsohave seen that happiness will bring you
greater success. in fact, people who arehappier, they tend to be much more successful. they, on average, make amillion dollars more over the course of their lifetime. and i can tell you that inthe last few years, i really feel happier than i've ever felt in my life. and it'sreally a deep inner state of happiness. and the success and ideas that are comingmy way now are beyond what i came up with back then, in the days of... i think youcan have creativity both ways, but it's the happiness and success together thatreally matters. and you don't have to get there through pain and through suffering.that's an old model and an old belief system. these days, i'm actually talkingabout and teaching the idea of living in
the miracle zone, where miracles are kindof commonplace, i mean, just everyday miracles. and we can't create miraclesin our life, but we can create the circumstances that put us in that miraclezone, in that zone of just everything's working, everything's clicking, you're inthe flow, you're in the zone, and i'll just give you a quick example. i wasin india a few weeks ago, and i was at... i just visited a town calledvaranasi, very holy town in india, and it was my first time there, 5 million peoplein the town, and i drop off my bags in the hotel, and my hotel is right on the holyriver ganges, and i just go for a walk along the ganges river, right just alongthe sidewalk next to it. and three minutes
into the walk, i look up, and therewalking right past me is a friend of mine from california. i said, "john, what areyou doing here?" he said, "oh, i'm staying in that hotel over there." and he says,"oh, and i ran into some other friends that i've known for 35 years. we're goingon a boat ride tonight on the ganges, come join us." now, had i taken that walk 5minutes later or 15 minutes earlier, i may not have run into him. but it was, youknow, it was kind of a miracle. and every day, there are things like that happeningto me, where just the right person calls at the right time, the right idea comesjust when it's needed. and i've seen this over and over again. i have 1800 peopleright now going through this program
called "your year of miracles," and peopleare having miracles like their houses have been on the market for two years, and alla sudden, they do certain things to put themselves in the miracle zone, and thehouse sells like that. they have been wanting to get pregnant, they getpregnant. they've been wanting... miracles, money shows up,just amazing things and... - how can we activate the miracle zone?- the miracle zone. well, part of it is by raisingyour happiness set-point. everything in life is energy andeverything is based on the energetic vibration. happiness, love are two of thehighest energetic vibrations on the
planet. so doing the things that i talkabout in terms of raising your happiness set-point will help put you in the miraclezone. but also being on the lookout for them and being open to receiving miracles,big and small. one of the things i tell people to do is to keep a little miraclesjournal, so you start noticing. what are the miracles that are happening in yourlife? because the more you put your attention on those, the more they'll showup. and i mean i read 20,000 stories that had been submitted to chicken soup forthe soul, and i will tell you, over half of them were about miracles that happened.and i know that they are...that we can put ourselves in the zone to be open to these.can i share with you, since you like
stories, one more miracle story? - yes, i'd love to hear it.- okay, okay, good, good. - great to demonstrate. - so this is a story about an amazingmiracle. it's about a man named marcel sternberger. and marcel lived in new yorkcity. it was 1948. and he was a very methodical man. he, every day, would takeexact same subway into work, his 9:09 in the morning subway. this one particularmorning though, he took a detour, and he went to go visit a friend of his who wassick. so he ended up taking a later subway into work. as he got on that subway, itwas really crowded, and he saw only one
empty seat. so he went over to that emptyseat and he sat down. as he was sitting down, he noticed that the man next to himwas reading a hungarian newspaper. and marcel was from hungary, so they startedspeaking in hungarian. and he found out that this man, his name was bela paskin,and bela had just arrived in new york city a few months earlier. he had come fromhungary. and during the war, he had gone through many atrocities during the worldwar ii. he was in a russian work camp. and when the war was over, he had to walkover 200 miles back to his hometown in hungary, only to find that his entirefamily, including his beloved wife, had been killed. so he was devastated.he decided to leave and come to america
and start a new life. and as i said, hehad just arrived a few months earlier. so upon hearing this, marcel was amazedbecause just a few days earlier, he had been at a party at some friend's house andhe's met a woman who had a very similar story to tell. and he was so intriguedthat he wrote down her name and her phone number and he put it in his pocket.so he turned to bela and he said, "what was your wife's name?" and belasaid, "oh, my wife, she's been dead for years, but her name was marya." marceltakes bela by the hand and says, "we have to get off at the next trainstop." they jump off at the next stop. they run to the closest payphone. hecalls up the woman from the piece of paper
and he says, "what was your husband'sname?" she says, "oh my husband, he's been dead for a number of years, but his namewas bela paskin." marcel turns to bela and says, "it's a miracle, it's your wife,say hello." i mean it happened on a brooklyn subway, you know, so we canopen ourselves up. now most of us don't need a miracle that extreme in ourlives, but for us, it's the miracle of meeting the people that are going to makeour lives full of joy. it's the, you know, are going to help enrich our lives.it's the miracle of landing into the right work for us. it's the miracle of justhaving wonderful things happen during the day. you know, you showing up, runningout of gas, but there's always an answer,
and somebody's there for you within fiveminutes to come get you, so you know, everyday miracles too. - i love this story and what you aresaying, and that i would like to ask you something that people ask meand to listen to your answers. - sure.- there are a lot of people who watch the movie secret.- yes, yes. - and learn from the gurus, and a lot ofmasters, the great keys, and sometimes they write to me, "oh, i know everythingabout that. i tried, i tried, but i don't understand why it's don't work."- not working.
- it's not working for me. so what doyou want to say to people that think that is not working? - i have two answers for that. one answeris are they really doing all the steps? because there was one step that i thinkmany people overlooked which is the step of action. you know, i actually learneda formula that was similar to what was taught in the secret, but for me, thisformula works...is a more appropriate representation of the law of attractionfor me. it's three steps, and they rhyme, so i like it. i don't know if they rhymein french, but they rhyme in english. and they are intention, attention, and notension. so we have to be clear on what
our intention is, we have to put ourattention on it, that means our life energy into it, and that includes ourthoughts, our words, our feelings, and our actions. so all four of those need tobe really aligned with your intention. it's not going to work just sitting aroundin the living room thinking about this thing happening. "i'm going to win thelottery, i'm going to win the lottery." and then the third thing is no tension.once you are clear about what you want, and you have done everything there isthat you know to do with your thoughts, your words, your feelings, and youractions, then you need to let go, relax, surrender, let the universe bring it toyou. let the universe bring you that or
something better. maybe your intentionis not necessarily for your highest, so we think that we can completely controlthe universe. i want, you know, a purple elephant to show up in my living room.well, maybe that's not the highest and best thing for you. maybe, you know,so sometimes, it doesn't happen because it's actually in our best interest.i believe it's a friendly universe. - it's a goal, but it's not your goal. - it may not be the best goal for you.you know there's a saying called "high intention, low attachment." let go. allowthe universe to bring me what is best. you put in your order thinking you know,and that's great, but don't be so attached
to it that it has to be the way you thinkit has to be. i could never have dreamed that the things that have happened to mehave... i couldn't have made them happen if i had tried to control it. i couldn'thave made it as good as it has been. so a lot of it is just letting go,trusting, believing it's a friendly universe and that what's happeningis always happening for your good, and patience. sometimes...so that'sthe second part of my answer, timing is involved. and you know, yourtiming might not be the universe's time. and so that's why it's so important tobe happy for no reason. don't wait for the things you want to manifest to makeyou happy. when you're happy for no
reason, you can be in that state of notension because you're happy whether or not that thing you think you want happens. - yes, that's right. i think because[inaudible]. and the same thing, a lot of people ask me, "okay, i understand that,but i don't know how to find my purpose. i did some exercise, some questions,but i don't find what i really... in this planet." so do you havesome advice in particular, maybe? - yeah, i do. you know, what you're hereto do changes. i think there are two purposes we all have. one is a universalpurpose and that purpose is to grow in our experience of ourselves as one with theuniverse, to grow in our own personal
development, to grow in the ability togive and receive love. it's a spiritual reason. this is a lesson universe. we'rehere to grow in the enfoldment of our true essence, of knowing who we are. that's foreverybody. and everybody can be doing that every day. and as long as you'redoing some of that, you are living your part of your purpose. - so looking for how-to roadto what you have to do. - how to grow in the ability to know thetruth of who you are, how to grow in your ability to love, that's a universalpurpose. it doesn't have to do with being, you know, a carpenter or a baker or adoctor. it has to do with being human.
you know, people who've had near deathexperiences often come back after that experience and they say that at the endof our lives, we are asked a question, it's like a final exam. it's aone-question final exam. and the question ishow much did you love? how much did you grow in yourability to give and receive love? and i don't think this is the kind of examthat you can kind of wait till the end to start studying for. i think it's aday-to-day thing. so as long as you're living every day unfolding that question,how can i experience more of my own divinity, then you are on purpose. that'sone half of the answer. the other half is
we all do have, i believe, an individualpurpose as well. i would really make a very bad singer. it would be a cosmicjoke if i was put on the planet to be a singer, because i don't sing very well.- me too. - yeah. but so it changes throughout ourlife, so follow what it is that brings you joy, and don't worry that it's not yourbig life purpose, it's your purpose for now. so i'll give you an example of this.my father was a dentist, and he loved being a dentist. and heretired when he was 72. what happens to people when they retire? - they do nothing.- they do nothing and they die.
- yes, because they don't have any...- [together] purpose. - exactly, so my dad knew aboutthat. and he said, "that's not going to happen to me." so he analyzed whathe loved about being a dentist. and he realized that it wasn't justputting in fillings, but it was working with his hands in intricate ways andbeing an artist. he felt like dental work was artwork to him. so at age 72, he tookup needlepoint -- very, very fine refined artwork with the needle in andneedlepoint, and he became a master. he won awards throughout all ofcalifornia. he was 85 when i went home one day, he was working on his newestneedlepoint and it was his biggest one
ever. it was that wide and that high,and it was so intricate, and i said, "oh my gosh, dad. how long is this goingto take you to finish?" and he said, "well, i figured it out, and at the pacethat i'm currently going, it's going to take me four years." this was an85-year-old man starting a four-year project. did he finish it? absolutely. andit hung proudly in my parents' living room until my mother passed away. he liveduntil he was 91, by the way, and it brought him so much joy every morning towork on that needlepoint. and since it's really our family treasure, and it's nowsince been moved into my living room, and we can see it up there. that's theneedlepoint he started when he was 85
and he completed when he was 89. - wow, i love that, you have aprecise, accurate answer. i love that. - well, it's really about what is it todayor in this short period of time. you don't have to know your life, life, lifepurpose. you just have to know what's ahead of you right now. you know, the way,i think, jack canfield, who's my mentor, the way he said it was in the secret is ifyou're taking a trip from los angeles to new york, you only have to be able to seea hundred yards in front of you in order to get there. you don't have to be able tosee the whole journey. you just see what's right in front of you and you do that.
- the next step, the next step.- the next step, exactly. - i love the baby steps. - the baby steps, that's the wayto everything is baby steps. - yes, i love that. iwould love to know... can we talk also about the secret also?- sure. - because i think this movie inspireda lot of people. it's a good start. - yes, that's right.- according to you, why so many people don't have results with the secret.- yeah, well, i think that it is a wonderfulplace to start. and i'm very
grateful to have been part of the projectand i think that it really awakened many, many people to the power that we havein our lives to create a change, and the responsibility that we have in our livesthrough our thinking, through our actions, through our happiness, you know, how thatimpacts the quality of our life. i think that what's a little dangerous is to onlyfocus on the material aspects of let me get the great car, or the great house, orthe beautiful diamond ring. that's such a small piece of the pie. and i'mnot saying things aren't great. i love material things, i love beauty,i love getting to have flowers around me, and you know, being in a beautifulenvironment, but it's really not the whole
purpose of the game. the whole purposeof this life game is the deeper spiritual awakening. and i believe in something thatone of my very first spiritual teachers called 200% of life which is 100% of theinner life, and then from that, 100% of the outer life. so the outer life isreally just a reflection of the growing of your consciousness. and so i wouldsay that the next frontier is that really frontier of the development ofconsciousness, that development of the state that some people call oneness,some people call love, unconditional love. i wrote a whole book about itcalled love for no reason. - it's here.- yes, there it is, just there.
- love for no reason. - the seven steps to creating a life ofunconditional love, and what i mean by that, i'm not talking about relationshiplove. i'm talking about the love that you feel, that inner love that you feel whenyou look at a sunrise and you just feel the awe of life, the inner love thatyou feel when you really feel in love with yourself and in love with life and inlove with the divine. and i have to say... - is it different for you withgratefulness? gratitude? - that's an aspect of it. gratitude is anaspect of that love. i think it's one of the ingredients of that love. i'veinterviewed thousands of people now who
are happy for no reason and love for noreason. i found the one thing that they all share the most was a very deepspiritual experience. it didn't have to be religious in any way, but a spiritualpractice, a practice of connecting with them self, connecting themself with theuniverse, whether you call it god or the divine or universal intelligence ornature. doesn't matter. it's that bigger greater energy in life. and when weconnect up, when we feel hooked up to that greater energy of life, plugged into that,that's what life's about. that's what makes life work. that's what creates trueunconditional happiness and allows us to live in the miracle zone.
- wow, i would like toask you a serious question. - the others haven't been serious? - no.- okay. - this question is very serious.- very serious, okay, i'm ready. - so what could be the keysto be an unhappy person? - an unhappy person?- yes, let's imagine that [inaudible]. - okay, good. i actually didcreate a youtube video called the "10 ways to have a miserable life." - yes, let's do that.
- i don't exactly remember all 10 of them,but it's the opposite of my happiness steps is my unhappiness steps. so it'ssurround yourself with horrible people, who don't believe in you.- okay, we have to look for [inaudible] people.- yeah, look for everything that's wrong in your life.- okay, focus on what's wrong. - focus on what's wrong. blame everybodyfor your unhappiness and for everything that's going on.- yeah, you're not supposed to be... - blame everybody else for it. eat allthe wrong foods and take terrible care of your body.- okay, it's important.
- yes, very important. always hang on toyour anger, don't forgive anybody. really make sure that everybody is, you know,that you're not going to forgive them. let's see, what are some other... i lovethis question, what a fun question to have. you know, the next time you makea mistake, just always keep reminding yourself about those mistakes. keepcriticizing yourself and beating yourself up because, of course, that's the onlyway to grow. yeah, yeah, and you know, no matter what happens, it's never goodenough. so make sure you can't be grateful for anything, because nothing is everenough. make sure that you base all of your happiness on whatever you accomplish,so that anything that... your only
happiness can come from what you achieveor accomplish. and completely separate yourself from any feeling of onenesswith life, you know. in fact, if possible, be as angry at life as you can be. - it's not enough.- no? more? - no.- it's not enough there you go. you're mastering that, you're amaster of how to make it... how to be unhappy, very good.- yeah, i was trying to apply it because i believe in taking action.- the taking action, good, good, good. now, forget everything we've just said.get amnesia, but that's a fun way of
looking at it. and you can...honestly, youlook out at the people that you know in life who are unhappy, and you can go,"oh my god, of course, they're doing that, that, that, and that." it's such a simplething. unhappy people live one way, happy people live another way.which do you want to be? - yes, we have to choose. - that's it. and we don't just choose tobe happy, we choose to practice the habits that happy people have. - i love that. i have two last questions,so what could be your message for youth to be happy or believe in [inaudible],what do you want say directly
to youth for that? - good. it is not an accident that you arealive. you have the ability to go for your dreams. whatever it is that you want inyour heart is not put there by accident, it's put there because it was meant foryou to go for. the sooner you discover what those dreams are, and you go afterthem, the happier you will be. surround yourself with happy people. surroundyourself with people who believe in you, who believe in your dreams. believe inyour own dreams, and know that everything is possible. you are here to be a hero inyour own life, to be a hero for yourself. and start now, because the sooneryou start, the better off you'll be.
and i wish you the most happylife possible. it's there for you. - wow, i love your message. - good, yay! - i care a lot abouthelping youth to grow. - yeah, that's beautiful. - and my last question is for women,you are an inspiring woman. - thank you. - so a lot of woman struggledabout how they can succeed without becoming a man.
- right, how to have successand still be a woman. - yes, perfectly. - yeah. a dear friend of mine is a womannamed claire zammit, and she's actually developed a program called feminine power.and what she's shown is that there is a certain power in a feminine way of doingthings. the feminine has very wonderful qualities that can really bring aboutgreat success. and we need to trust those: things like our intuition, our creativity,our inner wisdom, our ability to collaborate, to be relational. all ofthese are very key for our success. and i really understand this quandary.you know, i've been in a man's business
world for many years. i got an mba fromucla when i was in my early 20s, and it was a very highly focused, highly...a lot of the qualities of the masculine. we all have the masculine and we allhave the feminine. so what i've found is that it's really wonderful to beable to exercise those qualities of the masculine in business.focus is a great thing. but i will tell you, mygreatest success has come from my intuition, from my ability tolisten to my inner voice, from my ability to trust and to build relationships. thereis no way on earth that my books would be a new york times best sellers withoutthe support of many of my colleagues
in getting the word out there. so thequalities of the feminine are wonderful qualities that both men and women canemploy in business and in getting ahead. i think that it's really important forwomen that they honor those qualities of the feminine and really see howmuch they can serve their success. - is it selfish to be and become happy? - yeah, right, a lot of people ask me thatquestion also. is it selfish to want to be happy? what about the rest of the world?david, i think it is the least selfish thing that we can do because when we'rehappy, we're raising our happiness set-point, we're changing our energeticvibration, and it goes out into the world,
and it changes the people around us. itchanges our community, and ultimately, it changes the world. and there's abeautiful chinese proverb that sums this up. it's actually hanging rightover there in my living room. it says, "when there is light in the soul,there will be beauty in the person. when there is beauty in the person,there will be harmony in the house. when there is harmony in the house,there will be order in the nation. and when there is order in the nation,there will be peace in this world." and my prayer and my wish for you,for me, for everyone listening, is that we all feel that light in our souls and thatlove in our hearts, and through that,
we create peace hereon this planet of ours. - i think you will love this quote ofgandhi, "be the change you want see in the world."- absolutely. absolutely. - i love this sentence. it helpsyou a lot to do what i'm doing. - beautiful. well, you have such afabulous energy, and i love what you're doing. i'm really honoredto be a part of it. - thank you. i love what you're doing too.- thank you. it's a mutual love society going on here.- yeah, mutual love. - good, good.
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