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Kamis, 08 Juni 2017

Coloring Your Hair Twice In One Week

Coloring Your Hair Twice In One Week

matt: hello everyone, and welcometo the second episode of critical role, where a bunch of us crazy voice actor, nerdy types sit here and play dungeons and dragons. we'll be continuing fromlast week's adventure, so in the meantime, let'sgo ahead and show you some of the character backstory. travis: right, listen up. if you have ale, then you havea friend in grog strongjaw.

a goliath of towering height and size, this barbarian has an appetitefor the two great loves in his life: combat, women, and ale. (record scratching) wait. easily the brains ofthe group, grog is often consulted for his vastknowledge of shapes, colors, and shiny things. also ale.

in his early years, armedwith his two-handed greataxe, grog oft enjoyed provinghis might amongst the ranks of his family's wandering herd, but after coming upon anunsuspecting elderly gnome in the woods, he objected to the killing of such an innocent life. a creature of impulse, grogfelt only pity for this, (chuckles) this terrified little thing. his disobedience cost him dearly.

beaten bloody and banishedby the herd leader, his uncle kevdak, grog wasabandoned and left to die. exiled from his herd, itwas then that the relative of the very gnome hefought to save, saved him. it was the kindness of agnome cleric named pike that healed grog, bringinghim back from death's edge. and they have remainedclose friends ever since. most nights, grog can be foundchallenging entire taverns to wrestling matches, ha!

or accompanying scanlanto the nearest house where you pay for lady favors, huh. marisha: a first impression of keyleth would leave you with little information on the half-elven druid. you might even think thather social awkwardness due to her shelteredupbringing is kind of sweet. of course, it would beunwise to underestimate her based on first impressions.

(lightning roaring) under that unintimidating, petite frame is a vicious beast waiting to be unleashed whose natural powers havemade even the fiercest of champions pee theirpants, literally. (giggles) born to the air tribeof the ashari people, keyleth was raised witha deep love of nature and the elemental magics. it is her people's inherent duty

to protect the delicateareas in tal'dorei, where the four elementalplanes begins to bleed with this realm. since she was a littlegirl, she had quite a knack for air manipulation andbeastshaping abilities. well, if you considerkittens and flying squirrels to be little beasts, which i do. (clears throat)

anyways, it wasn't long beforethe headmaster of the tribe, her father, kohren, realizedher true prodigious abilities and she was inveterated to succeed him as the next headmaster. just like that, her jovialchildhood was stripped and replaced with endlessspell memorization, teachings from ancient traditions, and exceedingly high expectations. every druid leader-to-bemust embark on a journey

to seek out the sistertribes in order to introduce and establish respect amongstthe fellow headmasters. they call this thearamente, or noble odyssey. when her father felt she wasready, he set her on the path to truly discovering herself. not knowing when, or if,she will ever return. as she hikes down themountain towards stillben, she meditated on the task ahead. part of the aramente is provingyourself a strong warrior,

a valiant protector, and awise and compassionate leader. with this knowledge, onethought plays in repeat in her mind: is she even worthy? taliesin: percy was the third child of seven children, born to a noble family who lived far to the north in the ancient castle of whitestone. with so many siblings toshare the burdens of lordship,

percy turned his attention to the sciences,engineering, and naturalism. one day, a mysterious couplenamed lord and lady briarwood came to court. during a feast held intheir honour, the briarwoods violently took controlof the castle, killing or imprisoning everyone whowould stand in their way. percy awoke chained in thedungeon, only to be freed by his younger sister.

together they fled, chasedby the briarwoods' men. as they ran, percy'ssister took several arrows to the chest and fell. percy kept running, eventuallyjumping into a freezing river and floating unconscious to freedom. he did not remember wakingup on a fishing boat. he barely remembered the next two years, as he slowly made his wayas far south as possible. then one night, percy had a dream.

a roaring cloud of smokeoffered him vengeance against those who destroyed his family. when he awoke, percy beganto design his first gun. (gun clicking) (explosion roaring) sam: oh, you haven't heard of scanlan shorthalt? well, gird your loins, ladies, because he has his eye on you.

a talented musician, master of disguise, and dashingly handsome in his own mind, scanlan sings songs almost as much as he sings his own praises. born a poor gnome, scanlanused his endless charm and soaring tenor voice to croon for coin and support his single mother. one day he was discoveredby a half-orc promoter, and joined dr. dranzel'sspectacular traveling troupe,

where he learned the ways of the world, and honed his skills asa bard extraordinaire. a loner much of his life,scanlan has never quite come to terms with theviolent death of his mother at the hands of a goblin invasion. while his years on the roadprovided many, shall we say, educational experienceswith the opposite sex, deep down scanlan yearns for the one thing he's never known, the truelove of a fellow gnome.

still, scanlan considershimself a lover first, performer second, andfighter distant third. on the battlefield,he'll support his allies, but rarely draws blood unless it's to protect fellow gnome, pike. count on scanlan for a heartylaugh, a rollicking song, and a twinkle in his eye that melts hearts and makes the females swoon. orion: greetings and salutations.

i am tiberius stormwind. i hail from a town called ty'rex, located in the heart of draconia, from a politically respected family. at the age of 15, i succeeded in passing the sorcerer's rite, showing prodigy-like control of my magic. the judges and the draconianhigh council were amazed at how powerful my spells were

for how long i had been training. at 20 years old, i was theyoungest appointed member of the magic guild in draconian history. for the next few years, i almost went mad from the malaise of being a guild member, as it's rather boring. however, one day ihappened upon a chamber, unused for quite some time. in the room were stacks of books and maps

of the surrounding cities andareas around the known world. for months i would frequent the chamber, and learned of artifacts from legend. after a long period of research,i made a list of artifacts that caught my eye. i brought these findingsto the high council and was told that all of theinformation in the chamber i stumbled upon was eitherbelieved to be fiction, or unsolvable mysteries,and hence were lost forever.

i found those answers to be unacceptable. a year later i devised a ruse and managed to convince the citycouncil to lend support in me leaving draconia on amission of peace and diplomacy for the surrounding kingdoms. going from town to town andmaking friends and allies, in and for the name of draconia. being a red dragonborn, i hadquite the task on my hands in that respect, but itwas exactly what i needed,

so i could explore the worldand find these artifacts, as i felt the truth was out there. some may describe me as buffoonish, but i say poppycock to all that. (mutters) i am much sharper thanmost give me credit for. i just don't pay attentionto things sometimes. i've also been known tobe rather cunning, loyal, happy-go-lucky, and well, dangerous. i can't help but show my truescales every now and then.

but overall, i think i'm quitefriendly for a dragonborn. liam: never entirelywelcome in the company of elves or men, vax'ildanlearned at a young age to skip past formality, preferring instead to invite himself in your door. along with twin sistervex'ahlia, vax was born by a chance encounterbetween elven royalty and human peasantry. raised by their motherin their early years,

the twins were eventuallysent off to their father in the elven capital of syngorn. but their cool reception amongthe elves there never warmed, and their time in the capital didn't last. the siblings stole away one autumn night and set out on the open road. after a few years of wandering,they eventually decided to return to theirmother, and journeyed back to the lands of their youth.

but instead of findingtheir childhood home, they returned to a pile of rubble. their mother was gone,their home burned to ash. pressing the townspeople for answers, they learned of the day the dragon came. (loud roaring) with their ties all severed,vax'ildan and his sister set out to find their fortunetogether in tal'dorei. an outsider since birth,vax quickly learned

to solve life's challengesin his own particular way, often by sidestepping them entirely. and when his knack for circumventingadversity isn't enough, (sword slicing) the way of blades theelves schooled him in more than makes up the difference. laura: like so many half-elves, vex'ahlia has spent most of her lifesuffering the cool reception of a people who don't fully accept her.

born of a human motherand an elven father, who only later in life took aninterest in their existence, vex'ahlia and her twin brother vax'ildan quickly realized the onlypeople they could truly rely on in this world were each other. it was at the age of tenwhen the two were taken from their mother, andbrought to live in syngorn, the isolated elven cityfor which their father was an ambassador.

he quietly took them in, butalways kept an icy distance, and after too many yearsof disdainful looks, the pair decided to leavehis indifference behind, and set out on their own. vax took to the cities,stealing small trinkets and learning the ways of the thief, while vex kept to the woods. she preferred the isolation. always the keen observer, shelearned to hunt and to track,

to spy and to shoot. and through a series of fateful events, earned herself a companionin the form of a bear, her own stolen trinket, (bear growling) to fight alongside her and protect her fiercely. also, he is adorable andgives expert massages. welcome back everyone.

so, know that you're alittle more affiliated with the characters, let'sget this party started. so as a head's up, i wanna let you know, once again, we're waitingfor the charity elements of this stream to open upagain, since the big charity that happened a couple weeks ago. once we do, we're gonnabe taking donations, half to go to help run the channel, the other to donate to 826.

marisha will explain thathere in just a second. as a head's up, ashley,who plays our cleric, pike, unfortunately couldn'tmake it again this week, because she's busy filming amazing stuff with her career being amazing. but she says she's sad she can't be here. she loves you guys, and as soon as pike canre-enter the campaign, hopefully in a couple weeks,

all awesome gnomeness shall double. so also tonight, there was a goal to try and hit 1000 subscribers on the channel. so what we're gonna do is,we only have 130 people to subscribe tonight. if we can get all 130 beforethe show ends this evening, we're gonna do a random selection of a person within thosethousand subscribers to win a copy of the player'shandbook signed by all of us,

as well as a really, really cool image that was tweeted out earlierby geek & sundry, also signed by all of us. so, go ahead and pull your friends, see if we can get some more subscribers before the show's out tonight, so hopefully that'll be fun. so, marisha, if you wanna goahead and explain a little bit about the charity 826 we'll beplugging in the near future.

yes, 826 la is a non-profitcharity organization that helps kids thoughthe age of six to 18 with their creative andstructural writing skills, and they also help teachers and yeah. good artsy creative things. so donate, and definitelyvisit the time travel mart. sam: wait, can we donate? matt: tonight we can't donate here. marisha: we can't donate tonight yet?

matt: it's not available yet. start saving your money. sam: not yet. marisha: but you can still go to thetime travel mart in echo park and you can also go totheir website, 826la, and i'm sure you can donate through there if you want to do that. matt: yes, but we'll be gettingthat going in the near future. so, anyway.

let's go ahead and do a little recap of what happened last week. so the party has beenhired by their friend, arcanist allura vysoren,in the city of emon to head towards thedwarven town of kraghammer, as a good friend of hers,and one of the members of the council oftal'dorei, has gone missing. this, being a halfling paladin,named lady kima of vord, who was on a vision questas part of a pilgrimage

and was drawn towards some dark evil she said was manifestingsomewhere deep beneath kraghammer and hadn't been heard from since. so the party was sent thereto go ahead and seek her. upon arriving in kraghammer,shenanigans ensued. they made some friends, made some enemies, wandered the town. brother, sisters, walkedaround as if they were married. laura: no!

(group laughs) matt: bears almost got into fights in rings. and eventually the party made their way towards the bottom ringof kraghammer proper, talking to lord nostoc greyspine, who is-- orion: that's right, greyspine. matt: yes, greyspine indeed. who is the head of the greyspine mines at the bottom of kraghammer,

where supposedly thispaladin disappeared to. after having a conversation with him, a bunch of goblins and ogresbegan to spring from the mines and attacking the workers. the party swooped down toaid, realized that the goblins and ogre's weren'tattacking, they were fleeing from something else, of which emerging fromwithin the mines proper some strange naga-basedhydra-ish abomination.

the party then proceeded to slaughter it, final blow dealt byscanlan via lightning bolt. sam: hi, scanlan here, hi. matt: our resident gnome bard. travis: yeah, you did! matt: and that's where we pick up. so, as all of you arestill riding the adrenaline of the battle, scanlan feelingthe tingling in his fingers as the little bolts ofarcane energy kind of

(imitates electricitycrackling) spark throughout, the rest of the nearby workers and miners slowly converge in and begin to walk up to the party. and someone starts, "that wasgreat, that was well done! "fantastic! "where'd you learn that?" one of them comes up there,"ah, i could've done "better than that."

and they start justshouting off at each other and pat each other on the back. a few moments of this progresses before, all of a sudden, there's ahush comes about the crowd, and you see about five or six carvers pull their way through, carvers being the guards of kraghammer, with lord nostoc greyspinehimself stepping through. he looks at the restof the group and goes,

"all right, so you've certainlyproven yourselves in battle." orion: well, of course we have. i'm sorry. matt: "i would like to continue this conversation that we had back in myoffice if you don't mind." he turns around and begins to walk back. marisha: oh wait, nostoc. he's not even listening,he's just walking off. yeah, mmm.

ooh, shall we turn and follow? laura: are you still an eagle? can you even talk to him? taliesin: shouldn't you just go caw? marisha: well i'm not an eagle. but i am still poisoned. laura: oh, i can help you. marisha: oh, that'd be great. laura: yeah!

laura: hold on, i'm gonna goup, and i'm gonna cast-- sam: cast? yeah, i can cast spells. sam: you can cast? laura: i can.i've got plenty o' spells. liam: you can kill? sam: all right, fair enough. laura: i'm gonna cast protectionfrom poison on keyleth. matt: okay.

essentially go ahead and makea saving throw with advantage. this'll be constitution. marisha: i made the second one. matt: what'd you roll? marisha: a 10. plus my constitution whichis two, three, thirteen. matt: so thirteen? marisha: yes. matt: that'd be enough.

so, after you finish casting the spell, you feel the poison leavethe rest of your body. you can kind of take a breath to yourself. the rest of the minerskind of look about and awkwardly staring back atnostoc as he walks off, kind of looking back like, what "are you gonna go? "talk to him?" sam: yeah, i guess we should go follow him.

taliesin: we have two very important questions. grog: can't we look in thehole a little bit more. orion: no grog, we need to go do this. laura: we're gonna go in the holein just a minute, grog. orion: then you can smash, you'll be fine. travis: you promise? liam: you did that last night. we need to take care of business. let's go talk to the man.

i'm sure it's going tolead back to the mines. marisha: to the hole. liam: yes, to the hole. everything's back to the hole. sam: percy, do you have somethingto say before we go? taliesin: well, this is good. we have to find out what that was, and we have to see ifhe'll finally give us some of that ale,

i think are the two most important things. laura: it was wine, i believe. sam: no, it was bloody, bloody beer. laura: bloodline.bloody wine, blood wine. travis: bloodier, ale.beerwine. matt: it was delicious is what it was. travis: it was really good. laura: let's go talk to nostoc. sam: let's follow him, let's follow him.

taliesin: okay, this is what's important. matt: all right, so as you head backto the ramp that heads up from the mine enclosure itselfto the top of the realm, which is where the greyspineindustries mining facility is, you are brought into the building again, brought back to nostoc's office, in which he's not sitting, he's kind of pacing behind his desk, waiting for you as you approach.

as you enter the room, hestops pacing, turns around, puts his hand on the desk, and says, please, enter and closethe doors behind you. (loud thud) orion: sorry, i didn't mean toslam the door like that. matt: "a flatulent dragonborn, eh?" matt: "all right." so as you close the -(laughs) tiberius.

(orion clears throat comically) sam: sir greyspine. lord greyspine? mr. greyspine? matt: "lord greyspine is fine." sam: lord greyspine, yes. why have you summoned us here? is it to tell us informationabout what just came out of your mine, i hope.

matt: "well let's be clear." "we dwarves don't need help from outsiders. "we can handle our own business just fine." laura: of course. marisha: speaking of outsiders, you wouldn't happen to have seen a lady kima, would you? matt: "as what the discussionwas based on previously, "you're searching forher, and last we saw her, she went down into the mine."

laura: we already talked about that, keyleth. travis: yep, we did. liam: they don't like her,she was a troublemaker and she went in. travis: you're an eagle. laura: she's in the mine. we'll go in and find her. right? matt: "you're welcome to.

"as far as i know, she'sdown there somewhere. "hopefully still in one piece." laura: while we're there, wouldyou like us to take care of any other problems? matt: "getting to that. "you see these smallintrusions have been bad "for meeting our quotas with thebronzegrip metal warehouse "and export shipments. "employees have been forced to

"collapse a non-negotiableportion of our tunnels "to prevent incursions like this. "without my approval. "and this is a patterni wish to stop at once. "thus, i have a proposition for you. "now, i will give youfree reign to our mines. "i shall get the proper approvalsto make sure no carvers "bother you as you wanderthe city's lower ring. "and i will contract youto delve past our tunnels

"and investigate thesource of these creatures, "where they come from, where they live, "and if there is some sort of a leader "who gives them their commands. "eliminate them. "for this, i will rewardyou with not a trifle sum. "25,000 gold pieces. "plus 250 gold per beast scalpyou provide upon returning." laura: ooh, i like this.

orion: grog, this seems like awonderful job, doesn't it? sam: money is wonderful. we like money. but we've been charged to find lady kima. we need assurances that we will find her or at least some evidenceof her in the mines. matt: "the brazen halfling bitch went in there "without my approval andwandered into the mines, "not to be seen.

"so if she is down there,i hope she's in one piece. "i can't guarantee it. "but if there's any place tofind her, that's probably it." liam: we're the group of adventurers for you. i don't know if you've heard of the heroes emon, who just recently- i'm sure you've heard something. word travels fast. matt: "not beneath this mountain, it doesn't,

of human closers." liam: we've just done a lot ofgood to the ruler of emon. matt: "great. how does that help us dwarves?" orion: we're saying weare going to help you, too. and everything will be fine,and we'll all be happy. laura: well, we've discovered, inour past adventures, however, is that every realm seems to be having trouble withthe same sort of creatures,

coming up from the underdark perhaps? liam: all we're saying is,help us help you. what exactly haveyou seen before this day? more of the same? or other creatures? matt: he sits back for a second. "the types of creatures, i do not know. "i mostly deal with the business "and just know that there'ssome bullshite going on "down in the mines.

"you could ask our foreman, hieris. "he's dealt with the cleanup each time "we've had an incursion like this, "so if anyone has informationon what these creatures are, "he'd be the one to talk to." liam: sorry, what was his name again? matt, sam, laura: hieris. matt: "he's a foreman at the mine proper." laura: all right.

taliesin: i think this seems like thesort of job we'd want to take. laura, orion: yes. travis: will we get paid for themonsters and creatures we've already slayed? matt: "this deal was not sewn in yet, so no." travis: oh. matt: "but we thank you for your aid." percy: it is customary in ourculture to seal a deal with a drink.

taliesin: as i think you are all aware. laura: truly, truly. liam: see, i wasn't just fuckingwith you last week. that's a thing we do. taliesin: and since we are about to risk our lives... travis: i forgot you did that. matt: make a persuasion roll. taliesin: yes! happily. travis: roll good, it's the first one.

liam: come on, percy! taliesin: 14. laura: oh. sam: it's pretty good. not great. matt: you can see this long,distant, angry, dwarven, mistrusting stare. rubs his chin, his well-kept,blackened beard and goes, "huh, but a sip, as it was a gift."

laura: yes! sam: (laughs) we'll take it. he pulls the ale barrelwhich you guys provided, sets it on the side of hisdesk with the same spigot that you had placed in whenyou presented it earlier and says, "take a bit." "a bit." laura: (whispering) put some in a bottle. orion: we have to save some for those guards.

liam: let me take care of it. i'll pour everyone a glass. liam: oh, thank you, brother. i take my empty water flaskthat i emptied out before, and am smiling and pouring glasses and also squirting a littlebit here and there as i want. i start to just play alittle ditty on the flute. i thought we could accompanyour sip with a little bit of music, not to distract you, just to--

just to sort of accompany us. matt: his nose squints at the sound. (sam imitates a jaunty flute) matt: "gnomish tunes aren'tto my ears and liking." however, you do get an inspiration dice. laura: yay. matt: all right, so go ahead andmake a - (laughs) make a sleight of hand check on this. liam: okay.

that's what we do, right? laura: roll well. here we go. laura and liam: oh, no. sam: you have inspiration dice. taliesin: inspiration dice are d8? matt: yep, you add a d8 to it as well. liam: okay, and i can add a d8 to this? matt: correct.

taliesin: the ale is that good. liam: oh good. now i'm at 19. (travis groans in relief) hey. matt: as he's listening to the gnomish music and kind of pushing itaway with his hands, like, "stop, i don't- no. "i appreciate it, but i don't."

sam: all right, there's not accounting for taste. matt: as you do that, yourwineskin goes to full. (imitates liquid sloshing) swollen to its brim. you switch over to one of the cups, you pass around the drinks. all of you manage to getyour drinks passed around. laura: huzzah! matt: "to a contract!"

travis: aye! huzzah! taliesin: to a contract. marisha: contracts. sam: l'chaim! marisha: love contracts. liam: is that draconian? sam: it's gnomish. taliesin: to risking our lives. for money. laura: how old is nostoc?

just out of curiosity. matt: it's hard to tell. dwarves live quite a long time. he would be equivalentto like a human forties. dwarven time, somewherein his mid-hundreds. marisha: smells like its been in thebarrel for a hundred years. orion: it has been. laura: this is excellent. liam: tastes like two buck chuck.

orion: oh, i know him from quimdendale. travis: what do you know of aballsac up in the tavern? matt: "i'm sorry, what?" travis: do i have that right? laura: ball, ball - marisha: balgus. group: balgus. matt: "ah, balgus, that's the brandof what you brought me." sam: you know what, i think weasked about him last time.

laura: i think we did. orion: also, may we take a short rest before we leave this facility? marisha: yes, could we do that? is this considered a short rest? laura: oh yeah, that actually would be good. matt: if you'd like to do that, that would just be takinga short rest outside, probably not in the office proper.

laura: understandable. matt: you can leave and just sit down and get some rest. laura: when we take a rest, cani look for hieris? matt: you can as well. so, while you guys aretaking a short rest, you're able to use any of your hit dice to heal up naturally. travis: we don't naturally heal up?

matt: that is your natural healing. not to full. it's a continuation, grog. sam: i will sing a song of rest. and it goes a little something like, ♫ scanlan make you feel good ♫ ♫ scanlan make you feel real good ♫ orion: oh, i feel so good. sam: no wait, you get an extra d6on all your heals.

travis: i appreciate the slow jam. matt: yeah, on every hit dice,you get an extra d6. travis: r. kelly would agree. (matt laughs) laura: i didn't take any hit points. i'm at full health. matt: so you got a slow jam justfor the sake of the slow jam. laura: that's right.and it was great. matt: all right, roll an investigate check.

orion: it feels good.real good. laura: okay. oh, 25. matt: a brief discussion with a few of the other wanderingdwarf miners that are in the outskirts of thebuildings' facilities. eventually it leads youover to what is a small, secondary buildingmaybe 200 yards off from the main property.

that apparently is where hieris resides and keeps watch over theentire establishment. liam: i've tagged along. laura: knock knock knock. matt: all right, the rest of you going with her? sam: yeah, we'll go with her. matt: why not! why split the party? so the the group makes their way over to the outskirts of the building.

opens up and a very nice, portly looking dwarf with a big tuft of a chinstrap beard. big reddish, ruddy nose. leather apron on. and he opens the door. "aye, hello! nice to meet you. what can i do for ye?" laura: hi. you must be hieris?

matt: "i am, i am. foreman of this here fine mine." laura: wonderful to meet you. i've heard wonderful things about you. matt: "oh, have you! from who?" laura: uh, from lord greyspine himself. matt: "really? oh. all right. "well, how can i be of service?" laura: we were curious.

i'm sure you witnessed allof those wonderful goblins and trolls and other nonsensecoming out of the mine. matt: "aye. nasty lot. it always makes my weeks "that much more interesting." laura: weeks? so this has beenhappening for quite a while? matt: "unfortunately, at least five or six." laura: and what kind of monstershave you been dealing with? matt: "terrible kinds." he starts rubbing hischin for a little and goes,

"we generally deal withthe occasional goblin den "we stumble across whenopening new tunnels. "that's part of the norm. "other nasty underground beasties. "however, over this past few weeks, "we've seen some realnightmarish things slither "out of the shadows. "many goblins stitched together, "like some kind of ballof screaming green lint.

sam: ooh, god. matt: "slimes and oozes that would mutate "and change color rapidlybefore seeming to dissolve "on their own. "unstable-looking really, in their form." sam: like a goblin centipede? (laura, liam, travis laugh) matt: "if you will, aye aye." orion: sounds more like sometype of necromancy magic.

matt: "perhaps, but they're not undead, per se. "they're still alive. "at least from what we can tell. "whatever agony face themin their physical form. orion: oh, that's even worse. matt: "we even had one briefrun-in with what looked "like a duergar that hadswollen and sprouted eyes "and mouths all across his body.that was a sight." sam: what's a duergar?

liam: that's a dark dwarf. they're little fuckers, those are. matt: "aye, duergar." and he spits to the side. "filthy lost souls. "dwarves of old thatturned to a darker god. "thankfully, they live farbeneath the mountains, "and usually far northenough to not worry about it. "but one of them found its way up here,

"in this strange, awful, maw-covered form. "it was terrifying. "and the smell! "oh ho ho! "anyway, we've even seen afew creatures from the surface "that normally aren'tfound down here as well, "which is strange. "they don't wander down. "something's bringing them.

"weirdest thing." "oh! and i just heard wehad some weird, many-headed serpent thing thatjust got killed down there. laura: oh, we just killed one of those. matt: "that was you!" travis: our hero is right over here. sam: (clears throat) hi. matt: and he steps onto his backleg, shifting his weight, and cocks an awkward eyebrow.

"really?" sam: i'm really strong for my age. orion: we were all surprised. taliesin: we're as surprised as anybody. travis: fearsome scanlan. sam: actually, hieris,i have a question for you. you know the mines very well, yes? matt: "aye, i do." sam: far from asking you to draw us a map,

are there any tunnels ordirections that we should avoid or particularly head towards? anything that we should look for in terms of traps or tricks? matt: "not within our mines. "they're usually well-guarded.or, they were." orion: also, do you have a map? matt: "of the mines? "yeah, i do."

orion: wonderful. matt: he starts going through his notes here. orion: i'll take that. sam: that's where we're going, right? travis: we're goin' in the hole. matt: it's kinda haphazardlyscrawled across a piece of parchment, but he hands it over to you. matt: and he says, "so that's thefront part of the mines. "unfortunately, half of ourtunnels have been

"relinquished to close offsome of these beasties "coming through, so we'regonna have to recarve portions "of the mine as we progress forward. "kind of starting atsquare one best we can. "but that at least is whatwe're currently working with. "there is a subterranean level as well. "we have an elevator inside "that brings the variousmine carts to and from." laura: is there a particular area on that map

that most of the baddiesseem to be coming from? matt: "no, we've closed it off each time." laura: just kind of everywhere? matt: "oh no, we've had a fewtunnels they've come through, "but we've managed to collapse those "and make sure they'renot coming through again. liam: and we noticed the, i believedit was the naga we fought, it seemed to have severalextra heads stitched on. have you no knowledge of these creatures?

it seems very odd. is there any connection indwarven history or past? or this is totally out of the blue? matt: "no no, not to my knowledge, at least. "i mean, most beasts wefind are in one piece, "not several together. "it's a bit disturbing to be honest. "i told my nephew about itand he was crying for hours." laura and marisha: oh.

orion: (laughs) travis: do any of the beasts go back into them? matt: "oh no, we've killed themas they come out each time." right, they don't take anything back. matt: "not from what i've seen, no." marisha: hieris, do you know ifthere's any other entrances into the mine? any old secret tunnels,something that someone could be using to get in?

matt: "not to the mine, this isall proprietary. "this is the business we run,so we don't have any internal "or secret entrances. "that would leave us opento a sort of a thief to come in and steal our mithril." liam: and what's security like on the mine? is there any chancesomeone could've slipped in through kraghammer without you knowing, or is that all locked up?

matt: "oh, i highly doubt that, not with "the way our carvers are trained." liam: understood, understood. laura: they are quite-- matt: "that's what i'm talking about. laura: yeah. matt: "fine dwarven study." travis: before we go-- laura: strong ale.

matt: "finest of military classes, aye. "proud of 'em." travis: what do you use for the-- matt: "i had a cousin who was once a carver. "raised him there. "his whole family broughthim up on that side. "military weapon training every day. "couldn't come out andplay with the rest of us. "i felt bad for him.

"but he grew up to be aright nasty dwarf, aye." liam: you say had. laura: where is he now? matt: "unfortunately, he was slainin one of the incursions. "that duergar i was telling you about. "but, such is the natureof the fighter, i suppose." laura: a damn shame. i'm so sorry. matt: "i appreciate that.

"to be honest, he was kindof a bastard, but um-- "don't miss him too much. "but i appreciate the thought. "that's very kind of you." sam: we won't avenge him then. matt: "i mean, still avenge him." liam: literally or figuratively? matt: "i'm not sure. travis: he had parents.

matt: "he had parents. "we were related somewhat. "i'm not gonna say too closely." laura: can i ask a question? matt: "ah, yes." laura: not to you, to the other guy, matt. matt: ah, yes. matt: yes, laura? laura: when we take a rest, dowe get our spells back

for the day? matt: not a short rest. it has to be a long rest. laura: all right, cool. taliesin: which is why we'regonna take a proper nap. laura: we're gonna take a real nap? taliesin: i think we should go buysome potions and take a nap. liam: i think so. laura: all right, this could be really bad.

i mean, we're about to put the dungeons in dungeons and dragons. travis: let's go get drunk and go to sleep then. matt: there you go. taliesin: and stock up on some potions. hieris, you've been so helpful. matt: "of course, i'm happy to." marisha: one last question. matt: "it doesn't have to be last.

"you're welcome to stay as long as you like. i don't get visitors tooften up here in my booth." marisha: you should come drinkwith us at the tavern. matt: "oh well, i have to stay here. "work, at least for the next six hours." liam: all night, do you getoff in six more hours? matt: "aye. "but i have some dried fruits. "i've got some meats inside.

"i've got two chairs andyou could fit in my lap," and he kind of pats you on the head. sam: i've killed. matt: "right." orion: this one needs a whore, sorry. (sam grunts) matt: "fair enough." also, apparently my mic's a bit loud. if you can turn it downa bit for you guys.

liam: what's a mic? matt: "forget that, you heard nothing. "it's a strange echo in thecaverns of kraghammer. anyway--" travis: look at the time. laura: we have to go. we'll come see you again, hieris. matt: "of course, anytime. "when we're not busy. "but when i'm not busy,you're welcome to come by."

orion: all right. marisha: oh, that'd be nice. liam: tell you what, when we dragour asses out of that mine, we'll come straight toyou and buy you a drink. laura: and we'll have some of that dried fruit. travis: we're lying, right? matt: "oh, i'll save a batch foryou, you half-elf lass." liam: do the wink thing you do. laura: i did, i already did.

liam: oh, you did it already. she's good at winking. matt: "i saw, it was a good wink. "aye. made me tingle in my shoulders." grog: just your shoulders? matt: "that might be the diabetes, but--" matt: "but mostly the wink, i think." travis: good. marisha: oh, we should get him somethingother than dried fruit.

that's not good for diabetes. travis: back to the tavern. taliesin: at least it means he's regular. travis: or did you have something? sam: no, we're good. back to the tavern. we go back to the ironhearth tavern, right? is that what it's called? matt: for those who are asking, that'swest country, is the accent.

laura: yes. matt: cornwall. laura: what time is it? should we buy potions now? travis: if we're underground-- laura: oh, is everything open? matt: as far as you guys know, it's somewhere in the neighborhood ofsunsettish afternoon. laura: are the stores still open?

travis: it's summer. matt: you can certainly check. sam: it's like la vegas, it's always twilight. travis:: there you go. orion: if you all don't mind, isuggest we item up a bit, and before we get too late, and we get too drunk, grog, go back to that lightning --main-- manor-- lightning cage. laura: oh, that place.

matt: house thunderbrand? orion: house thunderbrand. travis: where do we item up? do we get potions and stuff somewhere? laura: yeah, that's what we're looking for. liam: when you say too drunk, doyou mean "we" the adventurers or the humans back in los angeles? orion: both parties. cross-plane.

marisha: cross-realm. orion: and i tell them what happened, again. sam: what happened? orion: well, i went to this door because-- sam: oh yes, yes, yes, yes. matt: you later rested, shot arcane magic at the home of arcane magic in kraghammer. orion: and if we are to go down into this cave, perhaps they have someinsight into what's going on

there as well. especially at this point in. laura: let's hurry and try to get thembefore they go to sleep. marisha: maybe they have magical items. i want stuff. orion: and i priorly had luck with more than-- travis: like plant stuff or potion stuff? marisha: all stuff. liam: have you had any luckfinding an arcane--

laura: that's what we're talking about. liam: no, i know that. did you send any fireballs at doors again like you've done in the past, or--? orion: yes, i knocked, as i do often do. and nothing doing. liam: got it. travis: so, magic stuffs. laura: let's go find them.

taliesin: all right. marisha: so wait--it seems like they really don't want you in their door. it seems very heavily guarded. so what's our plan, wejust going to try again? laura: well it was nighttime before. maybe they'll be more-- sam: we're gonna do what we always do: wing it. taliesin: we're gonna try it again,

except we're gonna watch this time. it'll be fun. marisha: let's do it. liam: i walk back to the door, because we're all just standing outside the door. liam: i walk back to hieris'sdoor and knock on it and poke my head in. hieris, i'm sorry. matt: you catch him with ahandful of dried fruit,

"hmph! "hi!" liam: just a quick question. we have no fucking idea what time it is. because we usually use the sun. do you know what hour it is? are businesses open at the moment? matt: he reaches over and grabs this really awesomely intricatepiece of clockwork on his desk.

it's this brass, cylindricalpiece that as he pulls out you hear this (tongue clicking), fring! and springs and things makingstrange whirring sounds. "oh, i reckon it's abouttwo hours from sunset." orion: oh, very good. liam: are the stores open at the moment? travis: better question. matt: "as far as i know, aye. "depending on the store."

liam: how much time do we have left? matt: "few hours." liam: oh, thank you, sir. matt: "you sure you don't want to stay?" liam: let's go shopping. travis: thank you, hieris thank you.oh, gotta go, sorry. matt: "goodbye." marisha: it's the mine that never sleeps. matt: "good luck."

liam: byeee! matt: you hear the door open behindyou, and he starts waving at you guys. "stay safe!" taliesin: stay regular. marisha: eat some veggies! fruit's bad for the diabetes! travis: oh, i put my head backin the door, and i throw him a turkey legand a beef jerky stick.

i gotta get rid of this stuff. it's been in here for years. taliesin: the fact that you justchecked your inventory for that worries me. travis: we gotta lotta shit in this bag. matt: the bag of holding, not so much a freezer. travis: i didn't say it was good. i just want it out. marisha: and then you just throw it at him?

matt: the mildly rotted turkeyleg (imitates moist impact) across the floor. the remainder of what wasonce meat, now a slush sloughing off the bone as itslams across the stone floor. travis: it's really tender. liam: you're a goliath, you'll eat anything. travis: yeah, those are the best parts. matt: you see he immediately steps back and his face squints back.

marisha: that's not polite, grog. travis: i gave him a turkey leg. matt: "it's the thought that counts." as he closes his door. orion: hold, hold on. before he does that, icast prestidigitation, and i clean it up real quick. matt: okay, that's really kind of you. orion: and i hand him a parchment and go,

if there's anything wrong,just write the message on this, and we'll come help. if there's any emergency. and i hand him a parchment fromthe scroll of telescription that i made. matt: "all right. thank you kindly." laura: how many pages is that scroll? is it endless? orion: i made like15 tickets right now.

and it takes me an hour to craft. matt: he takes it from you with trepidation. you can see he probably hasn'tencountered dragonborn often, and he's like, "thanks." orion: remember, dragonborn, we're good. orion: so long. and i leave. matt: "thank ye." closes the door.

laura: do you want to go with himto the enchanting place or do you wanna go somewhere else? liam: i think i will go withhim just to keep him from setting fire to the entire city. laura: all right, shall we all go to the manor? taliesin: we have time, we might as well. orion: are we iteming up first? taliesin: i figure we do that after. laura: i think we'll do that.

marisha: i'm gonna go ahead andturn into a squirrel and hide in your pocket. laura: i like it. marisha: okay. laura: ugh, grog. travis: what, it was a burp! matt: technically in character. travis: much worse from theother end, i guarantee. sam: okay, so we're goingto house thunderbeards?

thunderbirds? matt: you guys head to the house thunderbrand. sam: brand. matt: all right. so, tiberius leads youto where it's residing. once again you come upon what looks like a very out of place, very well-kept green lawn thatstretches for a good 60 feet before you see thisreally beautiful-looking

alabaster and gold building, slightly domed with thesefour towers to each corner, with these bluepointed crystals on top of each tower. liam: how does the grass grow down here? laura: can we see any traps orglyphs that are active? matt: he points outto you as you approach, there are a series of stonesigils carved into the stonework that surrounds the exterior of the lawn.

orion: those things! laura: can we look around andsee if there's any way to, a bell to ring that'soutside of that area. matt: go ahead and make a perception check. taliesin: can i assist on that? laura: yeah, please do, 'cause i rolled a one. one, baby. taliesin: it's a 10. laura: i failed it hard, i failed it.

taliesin: if you rolled a one, there'snothing i can do anyway. liam: we ain't found shit. travis: she rolled a one. matt: rolled a one naturally? laura: i did. matt: best you can tell,stonework's pretty solid. laura: cool! hey, it's a house. matt: yeah.

matt: there are dwarves around. no. matt: as you look about, it'shard to tell the nature. this looks just like a lawn with a well-framed stone exterior. laura: cool. matt: but there's no fence. there's nothing keeping you from walking into the lawn and towards the building. marisha: can i do a nature checkto see what light source

is making all this grass grow, or if it's like magical growing? matt: no nature check required. there is no light source,other than the green rocks that generally permeatethe interior of kraghammer to give its kind of strangeluminescent atmosphere. this kind of dull red glowthat's around the entire city. other than a couple ofsparks of lantern light. there's no light source.

sam: i wonder what keyleth is doing. she's squeaking an awful lot. (marisha imitates squirrel) laura: oh that's right, she's in my pocket. hi! travis: so we just walk up and-- laura: can i pet her little head. orion: no, i don't suggest that, grog. i shoot firebolt.

matt: i forgot that wasn't water. (coughs) taliesin: did you actually try to walk up? liam: is there a front door? taliesin: perhaps you should,before you do anything. just try and walk up. matt: from what you can see, there appears to be a large,almost like beachwood, light wood double door inthe front of the compound. laura: grog's gonna go. liam: i'm gonna use my rogueabilities to walk up

to the front door, and knock on it. orion: great. laura: sorry grog. travis: i have one take damage. liam: can i see if i detect a bell? marisha: is that a talent youpicked, is that a feat? matt: so, you walk towards the grass. you step onto the walkway that leads towards the front of the building.

as soon as you cross into the threshold where those stone sigils are, you make a dexterity saving throw. (travis laughs) laura: oh no. roll well, my brother. liam: this is really not goodfor their business. [liam and laura groan] liam: 12.

matt: 12. matt: so, as you pull your cloakaround you and take a few steps to jaunt upwards, suddenlythere's, you guys hear it. the strange (tongue clicking) sound, and a poof, poof of arcaneblue energy kind of, just pulses around his feet. you instinctively begin topull back, but as you do, there's a blast of blue electric energy that (imitates explosion),

streaks out from all aroundyou, shocking your body and throwing you about 15 feet back, straight onto your shoulders. you (imitates grinding) skidto a halt (imitates thud). liam: which one of these do i roll for damage? travis: electrified sound effect. matt: you take... liam: higigigigi! matt: 14 points of lightning damage.

liam: all right. orion: this is as i'm pausedtelling him not to do that. matt: yes. orion: don't! travis: should've let me go. matt: your muscles eventually relax. orion: as i was about to say,that was going to happen. travis: we have a flying carpet. laura: hey, we have a flying carpet!

we have a flying carpet. orion: let me try one thingthat i didn't think to do last time. i'm gonna cast dispelmagic on the runestone. liam: don't tase me, bro. go ahead and-- travis: it's really not that bad. matt: let's see. laura: pull it out. travis: what?

laura: pull out the flying-- marisha: phrasing. sam: going for the handbook. matt: yeah, so we know what's going on. travis: oh, the magic carpet, hold on. sam: guys, don't forget tosubscribe to geek and sundry. laura: oh yeah! orion: oh, and i cast it at my fourth level slot. travis: you wanna fly it up to the door?

marisha: what are you casting? orion: dispel magic. matt: all right, make an arcana check. laura: it can't carry you, you're too heavy. travis: i said you, not me. laura: oh, gimme that flying carpet. travis: that's what i said. orion: 13. matt: 13?

orion: yeah. as you concentrate and thesekind of shimmering bands of arcane energy wave off yourhands toward the enchantment, they impact and dissipate without effect. orion: are they fourth level or higher? matt: they seem to be. orion: fuck. laura: i hop on the flying carpet. matt: okay, so you pull the flyingcarpet, mary poppins-style,

out of the bag of holding.(imitates soft thud) laura: yes. and see if i can fly upand over to the door. travis: do you wanna tie a ropearound your waist in case it goes bad? orion: it's a flying magical carpet. laura: somebody. oh. is that bad? is that a bad idea?

travis: no, do it. sam: what could go wrong? marisha: i think you'll just, like, hit a wall. laura: what if the flying carpet gets ruined? sam: let's not do that then. travis: oh my god, really? liam: it's not gonna be ruined. marisha: wait, wait, wait, i'm in squirrel form. so i go out.

laura: oh, and you're with me. let's both fly to the door. liam: i have nine healing potions-- sam: hey, hold on, hold on. travis: what what, you turned invisible and walked inside a house last time. sam: yeah, i can do whatever we want. do you want me to knock on the door, is that what we're trying to do?

laura: oh yeah, use your-- sam: okay, so yes. i send an unseen servantto knock on the door. travis: what kind, like a buddy? laura: oh, he tried it before. matt: where do you createthe unseen servant? sam: where do i create it? sam: right on the doorknocker. like, hanging on the doorknocker.

travis: feet touching the ground? matt: all right. so the distance unseenservant can be summoned-- matt: i believe you may be ableto actually summon it within the boundary ofthose arcane sigils. travis: i'm just sitting backhere holding the carpet. ♫ i can show you the world ♫ matt: 60 feet, so yeah. you go ahead and you walkup to where that sigil is, you finish your spell,you cast unseen servant.

sam: ♫ unseen servant, ho ♫ matt: which he says every time. sam: yes. matt: every single time. you see this strange shift of air as some sort of humanoidform then materializes in the opposite side of this boundary and stands at your ready and command. sam: we still haven't knockedon the door, correct?

group: no. matt: it's about a 60 foot walk. sam: i command the unseen servantto (imitates knocking) matt: it kind of saunters over. you guys see this kind of shifting, barely, barely visible form make its way up to the front door. in the distance, youhear a dull (knocking). eventually, the door slightly opens.

and you see a hunched figure with bright white, chalk-white hair, kind of look out the doorway, "oh, where's he come from?" looking at the form in front of him. sam: oh, the ghost. "that's where you come from. all right." sam: hello!

orion: i'm waving. hello. matt: opens the door, comes out. you now see this dwarvenfigure hunched, very, very old, with a long, very, verywell-crafted brass staff, looks like a black orpurple gem at the top. spectacles at the tip of its nose. and it begins to kind of shiftits way over towards you. (breathes heavily)

orion: watch out for that rune. it's still on. sam: i think he knows that. (laughing) matt: eventually making its way. travis: he's coming towards us? matt: yes. walks right to the edge of the sigil. puts his hand up, and theunseen servant vanishes. he goes, "so, you have my attention."

orion: well, it's a pleasure to meet you. my name's tiberius stormwind,and these are my friends. matt: he puts his hand up and there's no sound coming out of your mouth. sam: maybe we should listen. matt: "this is the one who would-beattacked our home abode not more than a few hours ago." sam: he has emotional problems. matt: "apparently.

he needs to learn respectfor other people's property." laura: yes, he does. liam: we agree wholeheartedly. he's dragonborn, he's weird. he's a little weird. we're sorry to interrupt. i don't know, it's dinnertime, i think. i don't know if you'veheard yet, it just happened. we just fought some sortof many-headed beast

down at the mines, and lord greyspine is sending us in. so before we go, we were sent here. we were told you werethe dwarf to speak to if we needed-- laura: to know about the magical entities. liam: i think it was just to get shit. (travis and sam laugh) liam: to get ready for those entities.

matt: "if you're looking to buttrinkets and magical oddities-- laura: trinkets! matt: "you've come to the wrong place. "this is a house of study. "this is where hardworkingdwarves of arcane persuasion "put their lives towards pursuing-- travis: say something! matt: "--the magical forms and fields that-- sam: and we have come to seek your knowledge.

matt: "i'm sorry." your sound is back. orion: that's what i'm trying tosay is that i came here looking to ask about the arcane studies. i'm extremely interested in that. when i heard that your house was the only one that wasin that particular study, i was immensely intrigued. i respect the arcanearts so much that it's,

well, it's been my life. and right now, we're in bit of a situation where we have to goslaughter a bunch of nasties in apparently one of your mines. and we don't know the source. and it appears to be ofan extreme arcane nature of the dark sense, and ifigured we could come to you for help and some kind of guidance. and i will-- scanlan, will you stop it!

and it appears that youvery well know something that we could learn from, withall due respect, of course. matt: make a persuasion check. marisha: holy shit. what the fuck. breathe. orion: 11. travis: god, what is with these rolls? taliesin: we've been middling. laura: terrible rolls today.

matt: the dwarf gives youa disapproving brow shift and goes, "look, i mean no disrespect. "but understand, this is a dwarven house "of arcane practitioning and study. "don't see any dwarves among ya. "i think our business here is concluded." "if you're looking to buy stuff, we produce "and sell through the valueof valor house of sale." travis: oh tiberius, can't you become a dwarf?

taliesin: of course, sir, we completely understand if you're not up to such a challenge. it makes perfect sense, andwe'll be more than happy to go and buy some wares somewhere else if this is too much for you. matt: "bah! challenge." orion: i will send you my associate. the dwarf turns aroundand begins walking away with his staff.

laura: what a beautiful staff that is. orion: i'm gonna cast alter selfon myself to be a dwarf. travis: and jump behind me,and act like you just-- laura: actually sir, we do have a dwarf with us. marisha: no wait wait wait! cast it on me! i'm a squirrel in her pocket. orion: oh shit, i cast it on her instead. (loud thudding) laura: we have a dwarf with us who wanted

to actually say hello to-- travis: (whispering) what's your dwarf name? matt: turns around. saunters back. orion: keyleth, where have you been? marisha: i guess it's keyleth. matt: looks at you. travis: keyleth kraghammer. sam: you better fucking speak dwarvish. matt: smiles for a second ashe looks at you and goes,

"ah, how nice to meet you. "where are you from?" marisha: (bad scottish accent) oh, hello. laura: oh, shit. (liam speaks inswedish-accented gibberish) sam: ya, from sweden. travis: i'm gonna choke on a chip. (coughs) marisha: keyleth is not good at this. liam: roll with it player, roll with it.

marisha: i hail from the mountains up north. orion: she had an accident on the way over here. we were hoping maybe-- matt: roll a persuasion roll with disadvantage. (all talking and laughing) matt: you. roll with disadvantage. liam: let the dice act betterthan us tonight, please. travis: (high-pitched voice) oh, hello! marisha: wait, persuasion--i don't have--oh, wait.

i have a zero. eight. matt: that's your first roll. now roll again. marisha: oh, i have advantage. matt: no, you have disadvantage. marisha: oh, disadvantage. so eight. matt: eight.

he goes, "i've beenpracticing the arcane arts "for over 250 years. marisha: and i've been practicingmy cornwall accent for five minutes. shit. matt: he raises his hand, and the alter self spell dissipates. where stands keyleth. sam: oh keyleth, you've beenlying to us this whole time?

orion: who are you? sam: we thought you were a dwarf. liam: vax steps forward, steps infront of keyleth and says, good sir dwarf. clearly we are idiots. we are-- matt: "that's the first true thing you've said "since you've called me out of my home." liam: stay with me on this.

we are strangers in a strange land. however, we are workingwith lord greyspine to empty your mines and end the evil that is spewing forth from them. now i know that we are a bit stupid-- --in a number of ways. laura: but we fight well. liam: but we fight well, and wehave the best of intentions, and when it counts, we're there.

we just need a little bit ofhelp going into the mines. and again, lord greyspine himself sent us, so please excuse my-- talieisin: cornwall? liam: --challenged friends. travis: my cornhole friends. liam: we're here to help. i promise. travis: that's a very disney moment.

liam: wink, wink, wink. laura: i wink twice. make a persuasion roll at disadvantage. laura: can i assist him 'cause i winked? matt: no. laura: damn it. travis: it's a powerful wink. matt: it's a powerful wink,but not this powerful. not the way thisconversation's been going.

travis: yeah, apparently not. oh hello! liam: best roll of the night. i rolled a 20 and a 17. so 19. matt: 19. he glares at you two and goes, "i've said my piece. good luck to you all."

(group groans) sam: further. laura: if you had gotten the 20. liam: how about a chocolate-covered mallomar? sam: i'm gonna have one more try at this. matt: he turns around and starts walking away. sam: there must be so manyarcane things down there that we will discover and bring to you upon finding them.

laura: good call, scanlan. sam: things that you coulduse for your research. historical items. matt: as he's still walkingaway, you hear him shout over his shoulder, "and when you bring them, then we'll talk!" sam: okay, that's fair. matt: "till then, good day, and don't bother me when i'm eating."

laura: thank you, lord thunderclap. liam: this game has consequences. matt: at which he shouts again at a booming, boomingprestidigitation voice, "it's thunderbrand!" laura: that's what i meant. matt: you hear the door slam, boom! travis: that was fun. sam: that was great!

laura: should we go buy some potions then? taliesin: yes, let's go buy some potions. sam: he gave us a little bit of information. the valve of valva, what's it? valor of - travis: vulva? sam: the place to place to go buy potions. orion: the house of valor. sam: no, the valva-- orion: it's not thehouse of vulva, scanlan.

matt: the value of valor. laura and sam: the value of valor! travis: if you want to visit the house of vulva, you and i can go later but not now. laura: the value of valor, let's go find that. orion: (in marisha's bad accent)let's go to the north. marisha: i'm sorry. i didn't think about the fact that i was gonna have to do an accent.

i'm not good with that stuff. laura: it's okay, keyleth. travis: women, fighting, ale, that's my job. matt: so after a bit of discussion,you manage to make your way around town. you eventually find yourway to the value of valor, which is a-- laura: terrible. matt: (laughs) it's a stone building.

like reddish brick,it looks in construction. with fine purple-- laura: please be open, pleasebe open, please be open. matt: (laughs) fine purpletapestries in the front that show various battlesof old dwarven history of two glowing enchantedpermalight lanterns hanging from the front. taliesin: classy. matt: and an entryway that is currently open

and a warmly-lit interior welcomes you. travis: awesome. liam: so easy. sam: hey, before we go in there and just make asses of ourselves, as a group, what do youthink we need to get down into these mines? laura: potions. taliesin: healing potions.

sam: healing potions.some light sources-- orion: we don't need that. sam: climbing anything? laura: i have climbing gear. sam: i have some climbing gear, but-- laura: that's included inthe dungeoneering kit, right? sam: oh, what about something for breathing? sam: like what if we get trappeddown there with no air? orion: don't worry about that.

laura: she can make plants, andwe'll get plenty of oxygen. marisha: oxygen's good, althoughif we have something to help with poison, that might be good. can we get some antidotes? liam: much gold do we have at the moment? laura: that is a wonderful question, brother. orion: by the way, i pull out a bottle of air. just an empty bottle andgo: and plus, we have this. laura: we will more than double ourgold if we take this mission.

travis: so we got like 24,000 gold pieces? laura: less than that. travis: 23 thousand. travis: 22 thousand? liam: more than double, that meansit could be one thousand. 'cause anything is more than double. laura: i don't like sharing. travis: math is stupid. sam: all right, we go into the house of vulva.

sam: open your vulva! matt: that's not what it's called. travis: are you sure you don't wannathink about renaming it now? matt: it's the value of valor guys, come on! (whines) matt: all right, so. taliesin: you're tearing the party apart. liam: tearing me apart, lisa. matt: a giant boulder falls out of nowhereand crushes grog. matt: so you make your way inside.

suddenly, hit with the smellof heavy incense and jasmine. this is the equivalent ofa psychic eye bookshop. orion: groovy! marisha: oh, we were just there. taliesin: we were just there. travis: nag champa. matt: you walk inside. there's not a lot of folks inside looking about the establishment.

but there is one personsitting at the front desk, which is a beautiful long oak table with a red trimthat hangs to the ceiling. not a dwarf, actually. what you see there appearsto be an elven individual, sitting at wait, hairpulled back behind the ears. very, very slight, thin build. and smiles as you enter and says, "welcome to my establishment,may i help you?"

laura: we both stand a little taller,and try to look more noble. liam: hello. matt: "yes." liam: it's a beautiful shop you have. it's so startling to findan elven establishment here in the middle of kraghammer. how did this come about? matt: "well. "they didn't have one."

"and i found there wasperhaps money to be made "in starting one. "i've been here for over a hundred years." travis: oh sh--are you guys that old? liam: no, we are not. orion: so business is good? matt: "dwarves have a hard time "buying from thosewho are not dwarves. "but i've made my established connectionswith business individuals.

"so, what can i help you with? taliesin: we're in the market forsome healing potions to start with. travis: yep, yep. matt: "of which intensity are you looking for?" travis:: level three for this one, please. two. matt: "so looking for a superior healing potion." travis: yeah, superior.

matt: "i've only got two of those currently." laura: they're expensive, grog. marisha: we don't have pike, though. matt: "i can sell you the twosuperior healing potions." marisha: i'm still not feeling well. matt: "those will run you 1,500 gold pieces each." travis: fuck! really?! taliesin: this is why you buymedium healing potions.

marisha: on second thought, i'll justread some books tonight, travis: i take damage fast. marisha: refresh myself on my healing spells. laura: can i ask your name? matt: he gives you a keenlook and says, "tremaine." laura: tremaine. travis: oh, here we go. (liam and taliesin laugh) marisha: it's what she's good at.

travis: everybody take five while we haggle. laura: i'm just saying. we're heading into the mines. we are going to encounter very many arcane objects potentially. in fact, lord thunderbrandsent us over here. that's his name, right? travis: you got it. taliesin: you did it right.

laura: sent us over here tellingus to find his wares here. and we've made a deal with him that if we find arcaneobjects we could potentially, you know, i lost trackof what i was saying, but you get the idea. sam: oh boy. orion: what would you suggest? and do you know of anythings we should particularly buy before we leave going into the mines

and encountering nasty naga-type creatures and other kind of things. matt: "superior healing potions." travis: how much are they each, 1500? matt: "1500 gold pieces." travis: i'll take one for me, thank you. matt: "very well." laura: we'll very much like toperhaps make a deal with you, that we'll bring youobjects of arcane nature

for a discount on your wares. travis: oh shit. i just paid for-- laura: oh, no you didn't. not yet. liam: roll, sister. laura: oh, come on, no whammies, no whammies. okay, well. 15, hm?

travis: he's an old elf. matt: he says, "and i appreciate this perhaps offer. "once you return from your mines--" laura: i know, i know, i know. matt: "--with these magical accoutrements, you are more than welcometo bring them here, and we'll make a deal. laura: how many dragons haveyou come across, sir?

are you interested in dragon parts? travis: oh, we have a lot of dragon bits. matt: he extends his hand to a shelf on the side labeled, "dragon parts." laura: lovely. matt: "and to answer your question, three." laura: oh, really? travis: what about basilisk eggs? laura: what kind of dragons, actually?

matt: "what was your question, sir?" travis: we have also, if you'reinterested in trade, basilisk eggs and parts of an umber hulk. liam: and a troll dick. travis: no, that's gone. travis: we flogged him with itand then it disappeared. liam: i detract my offer. travis: it was used very well. matt: he gives you a very concerned look.

travis: i'm a collector of sorts. matt: both of you. and he goes, and he goes, "i work in trade, meaninggold pieces for my wares." matt: "if you have interest, purchase. "if not, i have otherbusiness to attend to." sam: any other healing potions to buy? come on people. laura: maybe a moderate.

liam: all right, well friends,we're about to descend into hell itself, so i reckon we should probablypay the price. taliesin: two moderates. matt: greater. in the new edition. taliesin: greater. marisha: how much are the greaters? matt: "the greater healing potionsrun 300 gold apiece." laura: oh, let's get a few of those.

travis: i need like three of those. matt: "so, three?" travis: yeah, three. laura: do you have any arrows that-- travis: well let's do the potions first. laura: okay okay okay, two for me. matt: "so, five." taliesin: two for me as well. matt: "seven."

travis: keyleth. marisha: i'll take one. matt: "eight." travis: tiberius? matt: "anyone else require amoderate healing potion?" orion: i could take one. matt: pathfinder to 5e. travis: scanlan? sam: well, do we have ours leftoverfrom what we had before?

[laura, travis, matt] yes. sam: then i'm fine. travis: vax?laura: he's vax. liam: no, i'm good actually.laura: he's vax. travis: oh, my intelligence is six. liam: i'm so fast i don'treally use them that much. travis: so nine. liam: you'll get to that point as well. laura: nine potions then.

travis: nine times 300, work that out. matt: as he pulls up his arcane calculator. laura: so 2500 for all nine then. taliesin: it's an abacus, god, abacus! travis: i believe it's 2700 gold pieces? laura: why would you do that? i was trying to make him-- matt: "it is 27." matt: he says, "impressive for a goliath.

"i don't mean to assume,but in my experiences, "your kind is-- travis: it's professor grog, actually. orion: all right, calm down. matt: "2700 gold pieces for yournine greater healing potions." laura: all right, 27. do you have any arrows that perhaps have magical properties? orion: enchanted arrows iswhat she's asking for.

matt: he kind of glances overhis shoulder and says, "ah, we haven't had much arequest for arrows in a while. "we have bolts for crossbows,as that seems to be the staple "for the carvers of the city. "i have two sleep arrows,perhaps, if that is "of interest to you." orion: yes they would be, very much. laura: and what would you charge for those, sir? taliesin: ooh, i should buildsome interesting arrows.

marisha: you should. matt: arrows. (whispering and muttering) matt: "that would run you 250 gold per arrow. "i have two currently." laura: all right, all right, i'll take 'em. matt: "all right, 500 gold. "with that, that is atotal of 3200 gold pieces." travis: scanlan, underwater breathingor air, oxygen supplies?

orion: dear sir, have you happened upon any-- travis: ask with your fancy talk. orion: --relic or artifact around here, or heard of something called the pale stone? laura: sorry, you have to watch us buy things. orion: this is a rare artifacti've been looking for for quite some time. orion: i figured an environmentlike this might lend to something. laura: what is it a mess you've made?

matt: "i don't believe i have, butshould you come across one, "i would be interested to have a look." orion: oh, you appraise? matt: "if you don't mind." orion: very good. sam: and do you have anythingfor adventuring underwater or for helping to breathe in tight spaces? matt: "mm, potion of waterbreathing,i do happen to have." sam: a potion of waterbreathing?

matt: "yes, i do." sam: how much? matt: "i have four of them available, "and they run 500 gold apiece." sam: jesus. travis: we'll take it. we got all this platinum i forgot about. sam: take one, two, one? laura: don't say that!

travis: he can't hear-- orion: i don't need one. i bring out my bottle of air. and i go, "i have this." and i put it back in. sam: i'm okay as well. you want one, grog? travis: yeah. sam: all right, we'll just take one of those.

travis: just one? sam: well, i don't need it. he doesn't need it. travis: we'll take two. sam: two. matt: "1000 gold. "that brings us to 4200 gold." laura: wait, 42? liam: have you any elven gearfor a son of syngorn?

laura: are you taking it off of your pot now? travis: yep. matt: he gives you a keen look and goes, "we don't get many requests for this, "but i think this may fit you." and he reaches below andpulls up a fine piece of mithril chain, elven in make. laura: that's what i'm wearing. matt: mm hm.

travis: show-off. matt: he says, "would you perhaps "be interested in this elven chain?" liam: it's beautiful. i am a bit of a light-footed one. would it suit me? matt: "hm. "chain does make a bit of a racket. "might not recommend it, unfortunately."

liam: all right.i'll pass. travis: you couldn't buy it for me? laura: it won't fit you, it's for elves. liam: you're gigantic. travis: could go on my pinky or something. liam: could fit on your left nut. laura: well, thanks. travis: that's an important nut. matt: he goes ahead and accepts your gold.

go ahead and mark off 4200 gold for those. laura: i did already. matt: all right, very well. "thank you for your patronage. "i look forward tohopefully having you back "when you return with whateverartifacts you manage to find." travis: thank you, you're very nice. laura: big expensive artifacts. taliesin: i say, you're one ofthe most charming people

we've met so far down here. travis: and it smells pretty in here. matt: "well of course, theycome in rare ordinance in this city, it seems." you hear under his breatha little bit of a mutter. apparently it's like elvesdon't like dwarves, it's weird. travis: do we sleep before we get to go kill shit? taliesin: we're gonna go sleep. travis: well can we go do that?

laura: let's go sleep and thenget up in the morning and go down and kill things. taliesin: and i'd love to do a crafting roll right before i go to sleep just to put together a little thing. matt: what would you like to put together? taliesin: i'd like to try and build abolo arrow, a trapping arrow. travis: yeah! matt: interesting, okay.

as you guys head back to the inn where you've rented rooms for the week, travis: you clever fucker. matt: which would be at the iron hearth tavern. travis: is ballsack in there? when we walk in? matt: balgus is not in the tavern, no. travis: he's not? orion: he's balgus, grog.matt: no, sorry.

travis: really? matt: he's got a home. travis: yeah, but doesn't meanhe have to go to it. matt: true. laura: i walk trinket down into the storage area that he can stay in. matt: [bear noise] trinket goes down begrudgingly. orion: damn it. laura: i look around for something that can

look like a pillow for him. matt: you find a couple of sacks of grain that can probably work. laura: i put them down andmake them comfy for him. matt: okay, you think they're probablynot gonna last the night with those bear claws. but you don't care, it's not your grain. laura: that's fine. also, i feed him.

matt: okay, trinket is very happy.(imitates bear eating) tears into some meat. you guys make it back to thetavern for an evening's rest. for you-- taliesin: not a super complicated thing,but, you know, i've gotta-- matt: go ahead and make a tinker's kit roll. taliesin: what am i rolling with my tinker's kit? i've never done this before. matt: for this, i would go ahead

and make it an intellectmodifier to your roll. taliesin: intellect modifier? travis: rock that shit, perce. taliesin: and i'm spending my bonus die as well. laura: oh, we have bonus die, don't we? from scanlan. taliesin: thank god, because i rolled really badly. 10. matt: 10?

you spend and toil away forthe next four or so hours trying to find a way toget this trigger to work. twice you nearly sprain a finger. you manage seemingly get it to function, then the arrow itself splits and shatters. you can see there being something to it, but this night it's notgonna come to you. taliesin: i'm gonna have to try again later. okay, that's's on the list.

that was a terrible roll. matt: it was a terrible roll. marisha: it's been a bad day for rolls. it's been bad day for rolling. laura: fresh start in the morning. sam: well, tomorrow is the day that it counts, because that's when webegin to crack some heads. laura: when we could die. taliesin: out with this system, new dice.

marisha: to be fair, it's been a long day. i'm still bleeding everywhere. sam: should we rest and get on with it? laura: let's do it! sam: or should we visit some whorehouses? travis: nah, let's sleep. sam: let's just sleep tonight. laura: just sleep and go. travis: oh, they're still tiredfrom the other night.

sam: oh yes, one of them battered me quite-- travis: i don't know what this is. sam: that's me getting beatenup by a whore dwarf. travis: oh, it's you getting the elbow drop. travis: she's giving you the randy savage from the bedpost. travis: oh yeah! (crosstalk) travis: we're sleeping now.

so you guys go to sleep. wake up the next morningfully healed, spells restored, well rested and ready for the day. you think it's day. it's hard to tell. still, this undergroundcircumstance is really messing with you guys. sam: well, should we go plunder some mines and kill some goblins?

laura: let's do it. taliesin: let's go plunder some mines. travis: so we head down to the mines. travis: to the hole. travis: ♫ takin' it to the hole ♫ matt: you make your way down to the bottom ring of kraghammer. to the mines proper. the miners have gone back to work,

and from what you can see, there's just an all around crazy business with people cleaning out, still trying to clean out the ichorthat's on the ground left over from the battleyou guys had the day before. you make your way to the front of the mines, and immediately three of thecarvers that are standing at the front approachas you begin to walk, and then upon noticing you, kind of like,

step back and put theirweapons to the side. matt: acknowledging the orders they received from lord greyspine. laura: oh, trinket's with us. matt: trinket has come along with you. sam: trinket the bear, trinket the bear. laura: i just saw that, don't forget trinket. i didn't forget trinket. matt: i assume trinket comes withyou unless you say otherwise.

matt: in general. travis: are they especially bowingto scanlan the snake slayer? matt: (laughs) no. travis: no love! matt: they're busy working. matt: and fair play to thegnome, but they're dwarves. sam: sure. they see that crap all the time.

matt: you make your way into the mine proper. it goes back for a good10 minutes of walking and of winding. you can see the actual track of the minetrack leading around. you come upon a coupleof dwarves that look over their shouldersbegrudgingly at you guys as you pass going, "hey? eh, shh," and go right back intomining whatever remains

in the inside of this. it looks like this portion of the mine has been nearly picked clean. the dwarves that are in thereare probably just wasting time to get their pay for the day. you go further back andeventually it opens up. i think i have the map available. liam: i've got it right here. sam: it's over there.

matt: cool. sam: can you put it so that the people can see? laura: oh, yeah. sam: is that a thing? travis: they can't see that. matt: we can put it on there perhaps. for the most part i'll bedescribing it as you go, so it's not too important. taliesin: looks like italy.

travis: it's a boot. marisha: it's the boot, yeah. matt: following it, you getto a portion of the mine that is very busy. you can see, since this isprobably one of the portions that wasn't collapsedin previous incursions buy whatever creatures these were, you get the feeling thatthis one has basically taken most of their workforce to try and find

and carve a new vein. or find a new path to pull things from. you get towards the portion where all these dwarves are working, and you notice that some ofthe doors have been shattered, knocked off the hinges. you imagine whatever creatures were barreling through before, this is probably where they came through.

taliesin: that's where we're going. travis: make an arcane check.somebody with arcane. laura: oh yeah, can i look around? perception. matt: you look around. what are you looking for? laura: i'm looking for, you know. travis: be specific. taliesin: 15 arcana check.

laura: scratch marks for anything. marisha: i like the idea of magic perception. taliesin: i just wanna see ifthere's anything familiar about the markings,if i can identify any signs of something mysticalthat's come through here. travis: like a portal or a prison or a-- matt: that'd be more of an investigation roll. taliesin: oh, well, alright. laura: i'm gonna look for tracks.

that'll be an investigationroll for you as well. marisha: i'm gonna assist her,look for animal tracks. laura: i'm scared, i don'tknow which one to roll. both my die have been rolling so bad. orion: i want to detect magic for a while. matt: aid roll, keyleth? laura: this one is no longer in service. taliesin: oh, wow! marisha: five.

travis: well hers is a lot better. marisha: good. liam: sorry, i've got the map,so i'm looking at the mine. are we still in the dwarven carved out, sort of structure portion of the mine. matt: you are. you have just essentiallystarted on that map. sam: so let's go down. liam: guys, i'm holding a map.

i see one room thatthey've scrawled "supply" on, so it should be the next right up ahead. i'd like to just take a peek in there and see what we can seebefore we head deeper in. matt: all right, you are--? laura: i rolled a one again. matt: a natural one. laura: a natural one. vax and i get dressed upin sherlock holmes cosplay,

and we say, "golly gee, ithink i see some animal tracks "over here." taliesin: they are staring at theirown footprints on the ground. marisha: "the trail's going cold!" taliesin: following around in a circle. matt: oh man, this has turned completely back from the first game. you guys are failing consistently. laura: everything.

matt: let's turn this around,let's turn this around. liam: anyhow, i've got a map, so let's use this. stay on point here. matt: you make your way towards the supply room as you head to where it was. one of the dwarves is guarding it. not a carver, just one ofthe miners that was hired for this purpose is standing there. leads you into the door,kind of opening it for you,

awkwardly going, "all right,whatever you're looking for, fine. "go inside." looking inside, there arejust racks and racks and racks of pickaxes, shovels, utensilsfor the purpose of mining and constructing. there are wooden boards lying down. there are just giant barrelsof nails and clipping utensils, and things that are usedin the continuous expansion of a mine.

liam: i've seen enough. we should keep going. this map says that there's an elevator a short ways up.laura: that goes down. liam: that goes down. but then there's a railwaythat goes further in into the caves, so i'm not sure. laura: we should probably go down. marisha: yeah, i feel like going down.liam: elevator straight down?

marisha: let's go further, all the way down. sam: how many of us can the elevator hold? matt: elevator can pretty muchhold all of you guys. sam: okay, let's go. liam: it's a safe assumptionthat lady kima did not just walk to the back of the upper floors, she probably went down. sam: yeah, let's go down, come on! liam: get shit done, let's go.

marisha: get low. travis: air high five. liam: we have a map to the elevator. travis: make 10. matt: as you guys are walking overto where the elevator is, you do notice there aretwo places in the mines where there is just large piles of rubble. and part of the ceiling has collapsed. you can see that there were portions

where the mine expanded muchdeeper into the mountain that were detonated orcollapsed in the idea of preventing any further incursion by whatever these creaturesare pouring through. you also can see that thereare some dwarven corpses being loaded out from the mine below, as well as goblin corpses, individuals that were caught in the attack that happened yesterday before it managed

to emerge from the mine. liam: scanlan, are you all rightaround these goblin corpses? laura: we should follow those. sam: any goblin corpse is a good goblin, i say. i'm fine with it. i'll just quickly spit on their bodies as they go by. matt: and you do so quite quickly (spits). it's rapid, it's amazing.

laura: so we follow the corpses and see where they're coming from. matt: all right. so that heads away from the elevator. sam: no no no, no no no. that's being taken to beburied, let's just keep-- laura: no no no, where they're coming from. sam: oh. liam: so we could either goto the rear of the mine on this level and seewhere they're coming from.

laura: i thought we already went downstairs? liam: no, not yet. matt: there's a spiral staircase on the map. on the lower right hand side. liam: yes, i see it. matt: that's where they're coming from. laura: does that lead down probably? matt: it seems to. laura: well then let's takethe elevator, whatever.

let's go down. travis: you should put it under the thing. taliesin: we're good with down. matt: you guys go ahead andapproach the elevator. it's a large wooden platformwith a series of chains. my terrible, hastilydrawn map there for you. travis: it's kinda crap, but it's kinda great. matt: yeah, i know. it was actually moredesigned as a dm utensil,

but you guys needed a map-- travis: i love it. matt: --so i gave you my map. travis: there you go. laura: take it back. matt: so i'm taking it back. orion: give it to me. matt: it's-a mine. no, i'm keeping it.

it's all right. so you get back to the elevator. there's a large 15 by 20platform with a series of chains and there are two dwarves in the back that run a giant iron wheel. as you approach, they kindof give you a look, like, "well, are you serious about going down?" [travis, laura, and marisha] yeah. matt: "okay, step on the platform."

the two dwarves grab and beginto rotate the giant wheel, as it does you here the winchand the chain begin to tighten as it does. the platform shudders for a second, begins to lower. as it begins to lower, youcan feel the actual platform shake a little bitas the whole weight is placed on the chains. taliesin: guys. we're on an elevator.

marisha: this is scary. orion: i love elevators. matt: as the winch begins to release, it-- laura: i pet trinket, calm him down. marisha: i've never been on one of these before. matt: trinket is a little nervous. marisha: it's really tight. taliesin: i'm on an elevator with a bear. marisha: it's really dark, tight.

orion: oh, light! (snaps) taliesin: thank you. laura: are we down yet? marisha: keyleth's getting a little claustrophobic. she's never been in this tight of a space. travis: are you claustrophobic? matt: as the light spell burstsout from his staff. you all kind of have tocover your eyes for a second. but the lower area is opened up.

liam: word of warning, tiberius. laura: can we see out? orion: she said it was dark,and then i cast my spell. travis: yeah, it's what you do. matt: (imitates loud thudding) youguys hit the bottom floor. you step off the platform, and you can see there is a secondary minecartthat leads from this elevator that curves to the left and leads deeper into the mine proper.

to the right of you isthe spiral staircase. and you can see now twoof the other miner dwarves are dragging a dead body across. laura: can i look for goblin tracksdown here and follow those? matt: (laughs) you can attemptanother investigation check. sam: why don't we just ask the dwarves where they were getting the bodies? travis: you're gonna roll're gonna roll crap. laura: don't curse me.

marisha: please don't do that. laura: what am i, what is it?that i add it to? matt: investigate. laura: perception? but you advantage on the roll,because you're a ranger, tracking. laura: oh sweet.okay. sam: why don't we just ask? laura: well that's good, okay. let's go with a 17.

matt: 17, alright. so as you guys are goingto ask somebody about this, your ranger gets down andbegins inspecting the floor. laura: yeah, i see things! matt: where you can see there were struggles that apparently occurred. you can see slash marks on the ground. you can see bodies, orthe impacts of bodies where some of these dwarveshave been pulled away.

a few minutes later, you can see tracks, dwarven tracks, of bodiesbeing pulled and dragged, not in the direction they're going, but further down the tunnel. travis: yeah, let's go there. laura: oh, no. matt: as you look and follow that track, you notice that maybe a good 200 feet to the left of the cavern,there is a new tunnel breach

that is currently open. about a 20 by 15 size tunnelthat is fresh and blasted out from the other side. you can see rubble and rocksstrewn across the floor. laura: i hear, i hear birds coming from the-- travis: it's a fucking trip, right? laura: i know. sam: let's go down there. let's go down where it's dangerous.

laura: can we see? travis: can we ask one of the guards? taliesin: it's a mine canary. liam: is it black or is it dim? matt: with his light spell, it's fairly bright. travis: nice! matt: otherwise, it's fairly dim. travis: i cup my hands over my faceand go, grog, grog, grog. (laughs) matt: and it does echo.

grog, grog, grog, grog. travis: why not? matt: (faintly) grog-grog. grog. following the tracks,you can see the dragging of the bodies does indeedgo in the direction, and into the newly carved tunnel. in this mine network. matt: what you do notice is the dwarves' bodies that are being dragged away:

you can see footprintsof those that are also pulling them aside. you kind of figure out theidea of the pattern of the footsteps that areleading in that direction. laura: big, small? matt: most of them are also dwarven in shape. laura: oh, okay. marisha: most of them. matt: so, there are, you can gather,

dwarven feet draggingdwarven bodies deeper inside. liam: duergar. laura: dwarven centipede. liam: it's the duergar. matt: however, there are twobodies that are being dragged with no footprints whatsoever. laura: wings. sam: they're being used like skateboards. marisha: legolas style.

orion: who and what are those? liam: this is 2015. travis: is there any residue? marisha: yeah. sam: wow, if only we had asked some dwarves what's been going on down here. laura: is there any residue, blood? orion: we already know. laura: green, red, black.

matt: from the dragging marks,there is no blood. there's no signs of them draggingdead bodies off, at least. laura: does it look like they struggled? matt: no, there's no struggle either. travis: oh crap, fire. marisha: what about the walls? how close are the walls? matt: the walls here for this tunnel are about 15, 20 feet in width.

and about 10, 15 feet high. marisha: are there any scratchmarks or anything like that on the walls? liam: let's stop dicking aroundand go into that mine. travis, taliesin: yeah.laura: might as well. travis: we go further. matt: you push further in. (liam imitates sword being drawn) matt: so, this tunnel, pitch black.

there's no light source aside from the one that you're creating. you guys push forward. and push forward, following the tracks. and push forward. and the the tunnel windsand winds and descends. and winds and descends. about two hours-- [laura, marisha, travis, and sam] what?!

matt: --of following this tunnelwith little variation. laura: should've grabbed some dried fruit. travis: we got a ton. matt: steadily declining andwinding as it progresses. three hours go by. this tunnel goes extremely deep. whatever managed to dig its way up here came from pretty far under this mine. laura: at no point does it looklike the bodies ever moved?

matt: nope, no change in physicality. no sign of struggle. marisha: but there are the drag marks all the way?matt: yeah. liam: and two hours ago, i started stealthing and taking the lead. when we're in the dark. matt: all right, go aheadand roll a stealth check. laura: i thought i was tracking. liam: uh, 29.

laura: whoo, that's a good roll. yay, first good roll of the night. matt: all right, there we go. your luck is changing now. laura: changing it around. travis: let me touch you. matt: you feel pretty stealthy. you guys look like, wait,where the hell did vax go? marisha: oh shit, i hope he didn't hearme just say that about him.

dammit. laura: oh thank you, brother. taliesin: i'm having a serioustom sawyer island vibe. laura: i found him. liam: looks fine. matt: about four hours-- marisha: are there any drafts? do i feel any wind flowsor anything like that? it is still.

it is stagnant air. (laura coughs) even more stagnant now. four hours of travelingdeeper into this tunnel's path until-- laura: anybody else have to go to the bathroom? travis: he rolled, he rolled something. laura: oh no, he rolled. marisha: and so, that is how ispent my 12th birthday.

sam: great story, keyleth. and, yeah. marisha: let's see, what else. travis: hey scanlan, you kill me, i kill you. liam: there a great little cave alcove here, perfect for peeing in. laura: oh brother, good to see you. liam: for everyone to pee. laura: am i over here, or am i over here?

perhaps we could take a pee break here and proceed further into the mines. marisha: i agree with that. laura: that's a good idea. liam: do you catch my drift? matt: as the four hour mark of travel into this tunnel presents itself, the tunnel finally widens and opens. as the sound of distant waterrushing reaches your ears.

laura: oh no, i have to go to the bathroom. matt: as tiberius steps into this opening, the light cascades into this new cavern. a large, beautiful openspace presents itself, a good 100-foot-up ceiling. from what you can see,a roaring river is now pouring out of the nearby rock,cascading over a cliffside into a waterfall down into this deeper, giant cavernous space.

laura: what about the tracks? matt: the tracks continue in thedirection of that river. marisha: into the river? like it goes into the water? laura: do we want to step into the room fully? marisha: why don't we send-- laura: i'm gonna stealth.i'm gonna stealth, too. marisha: stealth twins. orion: do i detect any magic?

stealth twins, 2015. matt: you detect no magic. you roll stealth. laura: 17. matt: let's go ahead and take a bio break-- matt: --as the mystery begins to unveil. orion: i love a mystery. matt: be back here in aboutfive, ten minutes, folks. so keep an ear out.

travis: quick, quick break. orion: i'm gonna pee my face off. (liam imitates rushing water) matt: we'll be right back. orion: enjoy our butt shots, everybody. matt: and everyone runs off totake care of their business. this barbarian has anappetite for the two-- [audio resets] this barbarian has an appetite for the two

great loves in his life:combat, women, and ale. (record scratches) easily the brains of thegroup, grog is often consulted for his vast knowledge ofshapes, colors, and shiny things. in his early years, armedwith his two-handed great axe, grog often enjoyed provinghis might amongst the ranks of his family's wandering herd. but after coming upon anunsuspecting, elderly gnome a creature of impulse, grog felt only pity

for this, this terrified little thing. [no audio] but after coming upon anunsuspecting elderly gnome to wrestling matches. where you pay for lady favors. (lightning roars) under that unintimidating petite frame is a vicious beastwaiting to be unleashed, of champions pee their pants.

literally. where the four elementalplanes begin to bleed for air manipulation andbeast shaping abilities. to be little beasts, which i do. anyways, it wasn't longbefore the headmaster of the tribe, her father, kohren, realized her true prodigious abilities every druid leader-to-be must embark on a journey to seek out the sister tribes

in order to introduceand establish respect amongst the fellow headmasters. taliesin: percy was the thirdchild of seven children, born to a noble familywho lived far to the north percy turned his attentionto the sciences, engineering, and naturalism. during a feast held intheir honor, the briarwoods violently took control of the castle, killing or imprisoningeveryone who would stand

in their way. percy awoke chained in the dungeon, only to be freed by his younger sister. (gun cocking) (gun firing) sam: oh, you haven't heardof scanlan shorthalt? one day he was discoveredby a half-orc promoter where he learned the ways of the world a loner much of his life,scanlan has never quite come

to terms with the violentdeath of his mother while his years on the road provided many, shall we say, educationalexperiences with the opposite sex, deep down scanlan yearns forthe one thing he's never known: the true love of a fellow gnome. on the battlefield,he'll support his allies to protect fellow gnome pike. orion: (clears throat)greetings and salutations. i hail from a town calledty'rex, located in the heart

of draconia, from apolitically respected family. in passing the sorcerer's rite,showing prodigy-like control of my magic. for the next few years, ialmost went mad from the malaise of being a guild member,as it's rather boring. for months i would frequent the chamber i stumbled upon was eitherbelieved to be fiction or unsolvable mysteries andhence were lost forever. to convince the city councilto lend support in me

leaving draconia on a missionof peace and diplomacy but i say poppycock toall that. (stammers) raised by their mother intheir early years, the twins were eventually sent off to their father after a few years ofwandering, they eventually decided to return to their mother and journeyed back tothe lands of their youth. and when his knack for circumventingadversity isn't enough-- --the way of blades theelves schooled him in

from their mother andbrought to live in syngorn, he quietly took them in butalways kept an icy distance, the pair decided to leavehis indifference behind always the keen observer, she learned to hunt and to track, to spy and to shoot. her own stolen trinket, to fight alongside herand protect her fiercely. producer: and back to you. welcome back.

thank you for waiting. we've all had our fill of snacks, drinks, and relieving ourselves ofthe ones we had earlier. so, before we return, weactually want to thank you guys for having all the subscriptions you have. since we started playing, wehit a thousand very quickly. you guys are awesome. so thank you for that. big round of applause.

travis: round of applause. subscriptions have been awesome. and as such, we have a winnerfor these evening's event. hi, tiberius. orion: sorry everyone. tiberius has returned. so, in character as always. so, the winner of theevening is going to win both a signed photo ofthe cast of critical role

as well as a signed player'shandbook of d&d's 5th edition is: (clears throat) sam: visitor. no, on the backside. the winner is yareth. congratulations. thank you for subscribingand paying attention and being in the chatroomand being awesome. we're gonna go ahead andget your information,

and we're gonna make sure that you get our awesome firstcritical role giveaway. (group cheers and claps) well done, yareth.thank you for coming. marisha: yareth. (group repeats yalreth in funny voices) (marisha speaks gibberish) liam: enjoy your player's handbook 5e. matt: (laughs) hopefully moreto come down the road.

we'll have more fun things for you guys. so, bringing it back to the game at hand. as you've stepped into thislarge, cavernous space, you can hear the rush of wateras the underground river begins to turn into a waterfall and drifts into a smaller body of water. it's just out of sightbeyond this cliff face. into this open, cavernous area. laura: oh, we just stealthed.

matt: you guys also stealthed, andwhat did you roll for stealth? laura: i rolled 17. matt: 17, got it.all right. liam: oh, less than that. laura: you didn't. liam: oh, no i didn't, 18. laura: you were already stealthed, though. liam: that's true. matt: as you guys step into this space,

there are sections of large rock, portions of stone that just jut out and block off portionsfrom your view of this area. giant stalagmites and stalactites that just permeate the entirety of this cavern, which has been long, justbuilding and building with elements drawn from the ceiling, from the waters that flow through. you also faintly see a light source--

laura: (whispers) oh no. matt: --behind one of those rockpillars in the distance. laura: (whispers) should we go check it out? liam: do we perceive anything in here with us before going that far in, yes? matt: make a perception check. liam: 18. matt: 18? liam: yes.

matt: you hear a very, very faintsound in the distance. (sharp noise) orion: did you hear that? matt: that's not the sound. orion: i'm sorry. laura: i have a passive perception of 21. matt: yes you do. you hear a: (clicks tongue quickly)

sam: a skittering. matt: (continues clicking) liam: i might hear spiders. marisha: oh. laura: ugh. travis: or crab. liam: or something. marisha: making it old school. sam: maybe it's a very faintmaraca dance of some sort.

laura: what direction is it coming from? travis: that would be better. matt: it's hard to tell at thispoint, it seems to be just kind of loosely atmospheric. travis: is the light coming from over the water? matt: the very, very faint light you see, no. it's adjacent to thewater to the right of you. travis: okay. liam: i think we're dealing with spiders.

laura: i think you guys should hang back, and we should stealth overand see how many it looks like we're dealing with. liam: the twins will creep forward. matt: okay. you both creep forward. laura: trinket stays with the group.trinket, stay with grog. orion: i'm gonna dispel my light spell. matt: pitch darkness falls upon all of you. travis: what did you do that for?

sam: because now they don't know where we are. laura: but we can't see anything. travis: they're spiders. marisha: while he does that, i'm gonna go ahead andturn into a cave bear. orion: can you not see now? laura: we can see in dim light. marisha: cave bears have darkvision. marisha: i'm pretty sure.

liam: no, dim light only. matt: do they? laura: what'd you turn into? orion: it doesn't matter, do youwant me to turn it back on? taliesin: a cave bear. marisha: yeah, subterranean bears,they have darkvision. matt: all right. so. sam: he can just make light again. matt: go ahead and roll a perception check.

liam: turn it back on. marisha: no, leave it off! orion: i dispel it again, i'm sorry. marisha: fuck! fuck! matt: light, light light, light light. taliesin: how did you do that? marisha: it's been a bad night. marisha: 12 total. liam: clap on (claps), clap off. (claps)

matt: as you glance about in cave bear form, you look up and all you canmake out is shifting movement across the ceiling. (group groans at once) matt: but it's large. it's not a small creature. you glance off to yourleft and you look up and you see a second one. laura: oh no.travis: oh fuck.

matt: and both dislodge. laura: oh no! matt: all of you hear two loud, cacophonous, thunderous slam sounds--(imitates loud thudding) laura: definitely hit light now. matt: --on the ground next to you--(screeching noise) liam: i quickly whisper to mysister, to the boundaries. marisha: and i just go: (roaring noise) orion: light!

liam: vex and vax dance backwardsagainst the walls. matt: there is a surprise round. travis: oh god. liam: but i heard them. marisha: i know. (roars) laura: transform back. so you guys are stealthedoff to the side there. liam: that's beautiful. laura: i'm on the other side.

liam: look at that fun map. matt: there's trinket. liam: thank you, matt, for doing all the work on these maps and shit. matt: that's what i do. so there's the water there,rushing off into the waterfall that goes further down. laura: can i stealthagainst the other wall? travis: waterfall is where on that map?

matt: the waterfall is right here. travis: got it. matt: so the river kind of pours over,falls into the water below. there are some of theselarge rock elements here. sam: what are they? matt: you cannot tell what's beyond this area, which is where the lightsource is coming from. (imitates thudding) laura: oh no!(group groans)

travis: those look like umber hulks. matt: they are. (group screams) you've had one brief run-inwith a single umber hulk in the past. laura: now we have two. as two slam into the ground beside you, dropping from the ceiling portion. laura: fudge!

travis: i have their claws still. laura: wait, do you guys remember-- (matt growls and snarls) laura: do they respond to vibration? orion: i cast stoneskinon myself immediately. you don't have that muchtime, unfortunately. because they are uponyou, it a surprise round. travis: shit! i forget.

travis: they responded to something. matt: they respond to the something. laura: can we remember withinvestigation or insight? liam: limericks, limericks,they respond to limericks. matt: so this one shifts up over there, and this one moves up to there. gleans past you, as itdoes not notice you. laura: yeah, but it's still big. matt: this one comes towards you, percy.

taliesin: damn it. matt: attacking you with each of itsclaws and its mandibles. the first strike comesat you with a 13 to hit with its first claw. what's your ac? taliesin: ah, 17. matt: you, woomf, just manageto dodge out of the way as these giant-bladed clawssweep next to your face. the second strike comes to you at a 21.

travis: oh shit.that hits. taliesin: that hits. i'm going to use a gunslinger's dodge. laura: gunslinger's dodge. taliesin: wait, let's see if i can do this. it's not enough, nevermind, so no. i just gotta take it. matt: all right, so the claw findspurchase across your torso. (imitates claw slicing) the armor catches most of it.

however, the slash doesleave an impact on you, as you can feel the taste of iron in the back of your throat. you suffer nine points of slashing damage. taliesin: oh, okay. matt: and just as you pull back the mandibles, time to crunch down upon you. and that is going to be a 27 to hit. travis: do their eyes do something?

matt: you take 14 points of slashing damage, as the mandibles slice down,clamping onto your shoulder. you manage to pull free, but in doing so, you wrench the pointedportions of the mandible across your shoulder,pulling open the flesh in this horrible jagged pattern. taliesin: ow. matt: that brings us to the other one, who is attacking grog.

marisha: grog! you're right there in front of it. the biggest and mostviable visual it can find. sam: ♫ no motherfucker, miss ♫ i start singing using mycutting words reaction. to try to distract him. matt: all right, so go ahead and roll your d8 to reduce his attack roll. travis: (laughs) no motherfucker, miss.

sam: d8? matt: d8. sam: three. that would have been a 20 to hit. that brings it to a 17. travis: 18. (group cheers) sam: i saved your life! matt: so, as you begin singing out,

as it pulls back with-- sam: ♫ no motherfucker ♫ matt: --its mandibles to strike at grog, it (clicks) looks off to you for a second, goes back, at which pointgrog has put his axe up to its face and is holding it at bay. as its mandibles aretied in with its blades, and the handle of the axeis trying to hold it back. it strikes at you withits two claws, grog.

that is going to be a 27. travis: that hits. matt: and a 14. travis: misses. matt: okay, then from theone claw that gets you, you take six points of slashing damage. matt: all right everyone, roll initiative. laura: i'm so scared to roll. marisha: i know, it's been so bad.

sam: best one of i've had. taliesin: ah, not horrible. laura: oh, good. travis: ball sack. marisha: uh, it's okay. matt: all right, so, 25 to 20? laura: 24. matt: 24. travis: there you go.a little redemption.

laura: that's right. matt: nice, we got some vex up top. 20 to 15 anyone? taliesin: 17. marisha: 17 as well. sam: 19. travis: ah, yeah. liam: 15, 15. matt: all right, got some scanlan up there.

17, 17. laura: (whispers) they're both surrounding meeven with my awesome things. matt: percy, keyleth. matt: so 15 to-- liam: 15. matt: 15. travis: i'm 14. tiberius and i are 13-14. laura: ugh, come on grog!

matt: wait, uh, 14? matt: 14. grog and tiberius. travis: it's the ghost pepper cookies. matt: all right, cool. top of the round. vex. laura: hyah! i am going to shoot the one.

matt: before you do that-- sam: oh, shit! matt: as you're going toreach back, you look over into its strange, glistening,black, dead, insect-like eyes of the umber hulk, andyou feel this strange wave of mental confusionhit your head. go ahead and make a-- travis: i knew it. matt: go ahead and make a saving throw.

this is going to be charisma saving throw. marisha: is this what confused you and had you running out the door? travis: i fell out a fucking 120 foot hole. matt: so you roll d20, add yourcharisma saving throw at the top of your character. laura: okay, so i gotta do my math. that's 11, but i get aplus two from my ring that i'm wearing for saving throws, so. matt: okay, so it's 13.

laura: 13. the wave of confusiontakes hold over your brain. we're gonna go ahead andfind out what happens. (laura groans) travis: maybe he'll ask you to make some cookies. matt: all right-- laura: you're gonna have me do nothing wrong? matt: you reach for it, and youspace out for a second. your hands fall to your side.

and you stand there. travis: aw, fuck. matt: trinket is lookingfor some sort of cue from you of what to do. laura: does he look confused too? matt: no, but trinket's looking to you for some sort of directionand is getting none. this is a very clustered space, too. can barely see you over this.

matt: that brings us to scanlan. laura: but i was stealthed, though. sam: don't worry, i'll help youmy dear. matt: i know. doesn't matter if you're stealthed. he couldn't see you,but you could see him. sam: i'm gonna take astep back behind trinket. (travis laughs) laura: good call. sam: actually, wait. howfar am i from my furthest--

matt: are you averting your gazefrom the guys, or are you looking at 'em directly? sam: no, averting my gaze. but how far am i from my-- laura: nobody look at them. sam: --my furthest fellow? oh, i'm 60 feet, okay. and i sing my counter-charm song. ♫ magic magic, go away,come again another day ♫

so all of us haveadvantage on saving throws for the charming spells. if they are charming us. i don't know if they are. matt: this is confusion. sam: no, what? matt: i don't think-- sam: frightened or charmed,it's not the same thing? matt: mm.

this is technically a confusion effect. so yeah. sam: okay. laura: oh, wait. oh, no. matt: so as you finish yoursong, you're like-- sam: it did not work. matt: doesn't seem to be havingan effect unfortunately. and then as my bonusaction, who got hit first? you did?

i'll just throw a healing word to him. just go ahead and roll, feeling him. that's a d4 plus five. yeah, you got it. percy. taliesin: mm. matt: you heal-- sam: what is this? matt: it's a four.

sam: oh, that's a four.okay. matt: so you heal nine hitpoints, and it's your turn. what do you got, percy? taliesin: up to 58, let me justfix that, there we go. okay, where am i on the board? matt: you are right here in front-- taliesin: okay, sothere's no getting away. i'm gonna-- i can basically without-- i remember i'm not supposedto look at these things.

i know where this thing is. i can pull my gun andjust take a shot, right? matt: so averting your gaze, you take a shot. you are at disadvantageon the attack roll. taliesin: how much? matt: just disadvantage. taliesin: i'm just disadvantage? taliesin: well okay, that's fine. i'm gonna spend a gritpoint for a deadshot,

so i'm gonna get a plus one to hit. matt: all right.travis: come on, perce. taliesin: aha! that will be a-- with the plusone, that's a 28, 29, 30 to hit. travis: get after it, nasty! matt: roll again, as you have disadvantage. because you're not looking at it directly. laura: ugh, please be good. taliesin: that's still 25 to hit.

matt: that hits. taliesin: 26, actually. matt: go ahead and roll damage. taliesin: and then i get extra damagebecause i did deadshot. so that's plus one, so that will be a-- it's a 2d8 plus five plusice, because i'm hitting with my ice shot. and that's seven, eight, nine, 10, 11, 12. 14 points of ice damage.

matt: 14 points of ice damage.nice. taliesin: and then i have a second shot and i'm just gonna take onemore shot at him really quick. matt: okay, also at disadvantage. taliesin: i fail. in fact, my gun jams. so as you go to fire, it'slike you-- (imitates gun firing) fire the first shot averting the gaze. laura: we're all gonna die.

you spin the barrel, go backto go ahead and fire again, as you do (imitates gun clicking) you pull the trigger for asecond, and you feel a slight (imitates fizzled explosion)inside the barrel. travis: damn it! marisha: oh, no. matt: and you feel the actualmetal get extremely cold, and you have you have to shakeit out like, aw, damn it. taliesin: since i can't move,i'm gonna--

my movement, my minor is gonnabe just fixing my-- yeah, so. matt: okay, so your action isjust trying to fix the gun? taliesin: yeah. that brings us to-- taliesin: damn. matt: keyleth. laura: keyleth, don't look at them. matt: just as a note, yourinspiration dice that you give can be used on saving throws as well.

but i haven't given any. marisha: um, i'm a bear right now. matt: you are a bear, which iwill, for the sake of this, give you the kitty. marisha: bring out minxie. travis: minxie. matt: minxie is the form, but you are a bear. marisha: okay, first and foremost,i'm gonna go ahead-- and i don't know if this is gonna help.

but i'm gonna throw up a fog cloud. marisha: maybe. marisha: no? matt: so fog cloud. the entire space, it's a 20 foot radius? i believe, if i recall fromthe one he did yesterday. marisha: but it screws our vision,though, doesn't it? laura: well, yeah. matt: everybody gets obscured vision.

marisha: but i mean, wewouldn't be able to see them. would it help with theconfusion is what i'm hoping. laura: that could help, that could help. sam: do your what you do. marisha: or would it be bad? laura: try it. do it, keyleth, go with your instincts. taliesin: don't think about what's the worstthat could possibly happen. marisha: i'm bursting out a fog cloud, and then--

matt: well to cast, you have to get out of creature form, remember? marisha: oh, that's right. i didn't throw a bow. matt: so you're a bear. marisha: i'm a bear. nevermind, i'm just gonnado a full round of attacks. liam: it's go time, go time! (claps) marisha: that one right there.

laura: keep your eyes closed. matt: all right, so you move up to there. go ahead and doyour full round of attacks. matt: i am doing multi-attack. matt: okay, are you averting your gaze or not? marisha: i'm a cave bear, i'm blind. i'm like a blind fish. i have darkvision and, like, cataracts. matt: darkvision means you can see in the dark.

matt: but it doesn't mean that you don't see. (sam laughs) marisha: well i'm a bear. matt: you are a bear. i'm eating at his leg. i'm not looking at his eyes. i'm not, like, waxingpoetically at how sexy he is. marisha: not whispering sweet nothingsin his ear. matt: i know.

marisha: i'm gnawing at his leg. matt: that's true. liam: go for the kill! matt: make a charisma saving throw. marisha: make a charisma saving throw? laura: next time just avert your gaze. [taliesin and marisha] oh! marisha: that's good. 16.

matt: 16? you can feel the oppressionof the umber hulk's gaze, but you shrug it off, yourbear mind not affected by the measly tricks and traits-- marisha: urgh, i'm a bear! matt: -of these strange underground entities. now i'm attacking. matt: roll for your four attacks. marisha: first one probably misses.

with my claw, 14. matt: 14 misses. orion: she got a pizza. marisha: with the claw attacks, doi have two claw attacks, do i roll for both? marisha: okay, so the first one is 19, matt: hits. marisha: second one, second claw attack is 18. matt: also hits.

so i am doing 2d6 plus five twice. so six plus-- taliesin: it's 11. marisha: five, so 11. taliesin: ooh. marisha: plus 17-- 20 damage. matt: 20 damage. nice. taliesin: 25.

marisha: oh, 25. sorry, 25. matt: all righty. taliesin: yes. marisha: 25 damage. matt: so, as you shake off theeffect, you reach for it, lashing out, two large strikes. the second one gets adistinct carve into the back of the umber hulk's hide.

you can see a portion ofits chitinous back armor gets kind of pulled off in a chunk. and it (snarls), reelsback from the impact and readies itself for asecond round of attacks. marisha: me and trinket. marisha: going at this. marisha: bear style. matt: they go. this one turns towards andmoves this way to focus

on the cave bear that justthrashed against its hide. while this one turns andmoves in towards grog. but now turns and sees the-- actually no. it stays there, fixed to grog. so making its multi-strikeagainst you, keyleth. that is a 26 to hit. marisha: hits. matt: that's mandibles. 17 to hit with its claw.

matt: and 18 to hit with its claw. matt: all right, so you take sixpoints of slashing damage from the first claw. eight points of slashingdamage from the second claw. and then the mandibles deal fifteen points of slashing damage, as theumber hulk just turns to you, and as a reaction to your assault-- marisha: what was the last one? matt: the last one was 15.

just unleashes an arrayof strikes against you. (matt growls) liam: hit it in the face. matt: that brings us to the otherone who's attacking you, grog. marisha: back at him, yeah. matt: that is a 12 to hit.pretty sure misses. matt: another 12 to hit, 'cause it likes to roll fours, apparently. travis: give me another four. matt: for the mandibles, it's a 20.

travis: 20 hits. matt: you're taking damage, fool. that is 18 points ofslashing damage against you. travis: i have a half damage toall bludgeoning, piercing, and slashing damage? matt: you haven't raged yet. travis: so i'm not raging?! matt: you haven't raged yet! it isn't your turn yet.

travis: but i'm so angry. you're about to be so angry. travis: 18 points. matt: you're gonna be so angry. 18 points of slashing damage. the mandibles crush down on your body, and you can feel thempierce into your chest. your exposed musculature isthen torn in a jagged form as you feel the blood beginto pour down the front

of your torso. travis: it's all right, it's okay. laura: that's brutal. travis: my turn's coming.matt: that ends their turn. vax. liam: so i can see what's up. i saw what it did to my sister, so i'm gonna jump on its back. i'm gonna swivel my daggers around

and just stab it in the face. laura: but keep your gaze averted. liam: yeah, i'm seeing theback of his fucking spine or head. i'm gonna stabhim in the face twice. matt: go for it. liam: nine-- 20. so then i'll do damage. the other one's an 18.

i rolled in advance. laura: that counts, that counts! matt: that one, that's the one! liam: so, 10, plus sneak attack damage, right? liam: yeah, okay. matt: he doesn't know you werethere, you were stealthed. one. four. nine. 13, 26, 36 damage from the first dagger.

marisha: whoo! liam: face, in his face, and the next was an 18. matt: not in his face. not in his face. liam: not in his face? matt: it's back. liam: but i wanted i wantedto do this to his head. okay, whatever works. travis: the reach around?

orion: the old reach around stabbing. liam: the reach around, the reach around. that what i was going for. and then, where's my four, 1d4. one's a three, but no, just three. matt: three, okay. liam: with my flametongue dagger which i don't know ifhe likes or dislikes, but that's what i've done.

matt: okay, so, as you leap on itsback, grab purchase on one of its chitinousplates, bring your first dagger forward and jam it intothe side of its head, as it pulls back, you hear a (snarling) as it reacts to the immediate pain and begins toreach one of its claws to try and knock you off. as you do, you put theblade back into your belt, grab with your other hand,pull your other dagger,

and slam it into theother side of its head. matt: this time it shrugs you off, and you manage to justland on your feet barely, behind it, still faced away from you. that brings us to grog. (travis grunts) rage. marisha: rage! travis: now i'm angry.

travis: i would like to rage, and not only rage, i would like to go into a frenzied rage. travis: for three full attacks. travis: while i'm raging so hard,that i pop all the capillaries in my eyeballs, so i can'treally see that well. and i just swing a lot. matt: all right, i'm gonna checkone thing real fast. travis: oh, shit! don't check, look, i'm rolling. (marisha and laura laugh)

30. liam: there once was a bard from nantucket. liam: who got his flute caught-- travis: i gain one level ofexhaustion with a rage hit. liam: --in a bucket. matt: i will say, situationally,because of the fact that your rage that you haveadvantage on the saving throw against the confusion effect. [marisha and laura] oh.

your mind is so filled with aggression. travis: i got that big, like, nasty thing. matt: so make charisma saving throw. taliesin: oh, what a good idea. travis: is that a 20? matt: yep. laura: plus one. travis: 11. matt: roll again, you have advantage.

liam: better, better, better, no. travis: five. matt: let's see what happens. orion: roll a two. matt: so-- laura: now he's raging, too. matt: --as you rage-- marisha: no, dammit. matt: --you feel the influenceof the umber hulk's gaze

pierce your eyes and the fury fills you, and you reach out and slash with your axe. however, it does notreach for the umber hulk. go ahead and roll an attack, grog. laura: oh no, who's he hitting? travis: a one! sam: finally! marisha: yes! matt: there's a loud clangingsound, as a giant, angry,

swooping bladed greataxe missestiberius's head by inches. orion: oh! grog, what are you doing? matt: before slamming into the stoneright up against the side of the wall. you can just see now thiskind of loose, crazed look in his eye. (growls maniacally) matt: foam begins to gather atthe side of his mouth. orion: oh, now you're all screwed up. liam: we have a problem.

laura: yeah, this could be bad. liam: we have an angry grog. matt: tiberius, you're up. orion: damn it, grog. travis: it's my turn? matt: no, that's your turn. travis: oh, that's my turn. marisha: tiberius, help. laura: at least your rolled a one.

travis: i did. i didn't hurt anybody yet. orion: i look at grog, and i'mlike, will you stop it! i cast dispel magic on him. (travis snarls) matt: cast dispel magic? laura: on grog? sam: i don't think it's magic. orion: yeah, he's being controlled by it.

travis: he can do whatever. liam: it's more natural, it's creature-based. travis: she's also being controlled. orion: i know, but you're abig, hulking, crazy mofo. matt: no, it is a magical force. orion: yes, it is. matt: forced to make a save. travis: save me, save me. matt: go head and make an arcana check.

(sam and laura sing alongwith tense background music) orion: uh, 17. matt: 17. the chaotic influence in yourbrain begins to dissipate, and the rage-filled gaze begins to fill your eyes once again, this time clarifying on theumber hulk in front of you. laura: thanks a lot, tiberius. sam: thank god.

orion: i'm not done yet. i slap him.just get on this, will you? orion: i use two sp points todo quickening spell. i cast grand column undermyself. (imitates rock moving) fifteen feet up in the air. marisha: nice. (orion spits) matt: so, the stone beneathtiberius's feet rises up, creating a column fifteenfeet above the rest.

he is now raised on a platform. i'll put him right there. looking down upon the battlefield. orion: (clears throat) that is my turn. matt: all right, vex, you're up. laura: oh, do i have to cast a saving throw or am i fine? liam: be a badass, be a badass. matt: are you looking at it, orare you averting your gaze?

laura: no, i'm averting my gaze even though i'm confused apparently. matt: well, the confusion only lasts one turn. laura: okay, good. i am not. what's that thingy behind me? marisha: oh, we've got these. matt: this here? laura: no.

laura: yeah, what's that? matt: this is rock. laura: how high is it? matt: this is about 25, 30 feet up. travis: use your laser pointer, dude. matt: and this is where the lightsource is coming from. you can't look over that way. laura: all, right cool. i avert my gaze but i listen very carefully to the sound

of where it's coming from. (taliesin whistles) laura: and i shoot in that direction. (taliesin and marisha imitate birds) matt: so go ahead and make yourattacks against this fellow. travis: that's some hawkeye stuff. matt: you shooting this one? laura: let's do the one that is surrounded so i get like, what,flanking bonus or something.

matt: for ranged, you would not get a bonus for that unfortunately. laura: lame. all right. matt: so are you shooting at the one behind you? this one? laura: sure. okay. laura: no, no, no, no, the other one. matt: okay, all right.

so, make your attacks with a disadvantage, as you're kind of keeping your eyes back and shooting in its general direction. marisha: big money, no whammies. laura: 12, both of them were 12. but plus 11. matt: plus, eleven? hits. oh, and i get two attacks, right?

matt: you do, yes. still disadvantage? laura: 15 plus 11, hits. matt: that also hits, yeah. so both attacks hit. matt: did you want to use yourbonus action for anything? laura: oh yes, hunter's mark. matt: all right, so you throw hunter's mark on this umber hulk there.

laura: yes, i do. matt: but you're like, you're my quarry, ugh. keeping your eyes back. you go ahead and pull yourfirst and second arrow, (imitates bow firingarrows), letting them loose, kind of letting a little bit of faith take your arrows to the wind. both finding purchase on your foe. laura: can i use bloodseeking bow on that one?

matt: you can, yes. laura: sweet. all right, cool. so that's 15, no, 11. and then 15. laura: it was good so i kept it. travis: she dropped it, but it was a good roll. orion: yeah, take the drop. laura: plus bloodseeking, which is 10 damage,

plus hunter's mark, whichis a six, which is 3. matt: so total damage of...? laura: oh, i have to add. laura: 15 plus 11 plus 3. 26, 29 damage. marisha: woo! matt: nice! (liam imitates arrows firing) matt: so, as your arrows sink into him,

one blasts into him. fire cascades up the side,you can see the middle of its plates beginning to burn and torch the cinderous glow. it reels back, gets its claws ready, now fixated on you 'cause you just announced your presence to it. laura: i'm looking again, so. anything you wanna do with...?

laura: trinket? matt: trinket. can he run up and attack the other one? while keeping his eyes down? matt: he would have to use oneof your attacks to do that. laura: oh okay, well then he's justhanging out. matt: trinket's just hanging out. laura: he's protecting scanlan. (matt imitates bear growling)

yeah, big old bear protecting your gnome. laura: protect the gnome! liam: gnome coverage. [marisha and taliesin] gnome coverage. matt: no healer this week.what could possibly go wrong? marisha: gnomewatch 2015. matt: scanlan, you're up. sam: scanlan. liam: ride the bear, scanlan.

sam: ride the bear. travis: oh my god. sam: i will just step forward a little, and i will cast polymorphon our big friend that we're surrounding. and i'll turn him into a snail. marisha: a snail? aww! travis: can you do that?! matt: what's the dc, the difficultyclass on your spells?

sam: through the horn of clarity or whatever. so it's 17. sam: or no, 19, sorry, 19. sam: it's plus two. matt: so, as the two umber hulks are there, the one that's in the centerof the group, (snarls). laura: oh, tiberius. laura: rears back, beginning tounleash its series of attacks, and then (sharp hiss),

into this tiny-- travis: what?! matt: --snail form on the ground. laura: awesome! liam: don't touch the snail until the-- laura: why? liam: 'cause he'll poof out intothe fucking big guy again. sam: don't hurt the snail. liam: leave it, leave it.

sam: don't pick up the snail.just be nice to the snail. liam: leave it alone.hit the other one. orion: don't do anything.i'll take care of the snail. (talking over each other) matt: there's a tiny, tiny littlesnail on the ground now that looks very confused. laura: that's confusing. matt: very confused, which isironic for an umber hulk, to feel confused.

sam: as a bonus action,i give dice to-- who's coming up next?who's coming up soon? matt: next'll be percy. sam: percy, you get dice. taliesin: what dice do i get? sam: a d8 for inspiration. taliesin: a d8? all right. excellent. matt: percy, you're up. (sam imitates flutes)gotta do my app.

matt: do your app, fuck it up. orion: do the app. sam: no, it's not ready. taliesin: i'm gonna take one of mytwo actions to clear my gun. travis: yeah, the jam. taliesin: clear the jam. and then set up for a fire shot. and i'm gonna take a fire shot. am i at a disadvantage?

(tinny electronic music) matt: you're inspired. sam: it's so weak, it's so weak. travis: you've gotta get it better. matt: so, who are you shooting? taliesin: i'm shooting our friend over there. i've just sort of turned, and i'm firing. taliesin: so am i at a disadvantage? matt: averting your gaze?

taliesin: i'm averting my gaze, buti know where it is. matt: right. so go ahead and fire at disadvantage. sam: you got the dice, you got the dice. taliesin: okay. 14 with the disadvantage. matt: 14 with the disadvantagewill miss, unfortunately. (imitates gun firing) the fire shot arcs off into the distance-- taliesin: oh oh, actually--

marisha: oh yeah, inspiration. matt: add the inspiration dice. matt: 17 will just barely hit. taliesin: well done, well done, ha ha! orion: good shot! liam: good stunt work, tiberius. taliesin: so, that's gonna do--ba-bumpa-bum. orion: i have to wait to figureout when to open which one. taliesin: that's 17 fire damage,17 fire damage.

matt: 17 fire damage, nice. okay, you hear the shot hit, and you hear a crackingsound as one of its plates actually freezes andshatters off of its body, exposing kind of a fleshy undercarriage. [orion and marisha] undercarriage. matt: this umber hulk is startingto look a little rough. that brings us to the top of-- do you want to move or stay where you are?

taliesin: i'm going to step back to-- bring me back two to threesteps, just like, back away. matt: back here. just like, here. laura: avoid the snail. sam: yeah, don't step on the snail. taliesin: i'm not stepping on the snail. taliesin: yeah, that's good. matt: there? okay, good.

all right, that brings us to-- laura: i'm using it! matt: laser pointers, we have use. keyleth, you're up. keyleth okay, after seeing grogget confused, i turn, and i go straight for his throat. and i'm trying to drag him into the creek. travis and laura: ooh. marisha: i wanna take the umber hulk

into the creek right behind me. matt: okay, so go ahead and roll for a grapple. marisha: all right. travis: come on, cave bear. marisha: how do i grapple as a bear? liam: bear hug, man, bear hug. laura: yeah, just take him. taliesin: how does one grapple as a bear? it is a strength check, i guess.

matt: does anyone else-- can i have the book real fast? just to be sure we knowhow we're doing this. taliesin: have you noticedthere's a rhinoceros in here? marisha: i can be a a rhinoceros. matt: it's a contest, yes. travis: why have you not beena rhinoceros yet? marisha: it just hasn't been useful yet. sam: she usually picks a bird of some sort.

marisha: i'm waiting for the right time. liam: she can only turn intothings she's seen. sam: i'm a squirrel and a bird! you should be a rhinoceros. taliesin: we're just waiting for you toscream, "it's morphin time!" it's morphing time!bear! marisha: oh my god, can you make mesmoke bombs that smoke, and i say, "it's morphin time"? matt: so you can make a grapple attemptin place of one of your attacks.

marisha: okay.that's what i want to do. marisha: so i just strength check then? matt: so it is an athletics check. marisha: oh. i don't have stats, i'm a bear. matt: no, you use the bear's stats. marisha: but all i have are the basic six. matt: right, what's the strength? marisha: so that's what i do. matt: yeah, roll the dice, add plus five.

orion: it's 20! matt: natural 20. (clapping) you reach forward and latch onto it with your claws and your teeth,onto the umber hulk. marisha: going for the throat. matt: alright. so that's your first attack. you can go ahead while it's grappled

and attack with the other strikes. marisha: i'm taking him underwater. you pull. laura: oh god, you're doing it, keyleth. marisha: pulling him underwater. liam: it's a waterfall, oh. matt: (imitates thudding) you both plunge underneath the water's surface. take a big old breath right beforehand,

and i'm going underwater. orion: wait, can you let himgo and let him drown? laura: yeah, let him go, 'cause it's a waterfall. marisha: no, i'm holding on to him. laura: but keyleth, there's a waterfall. it's fine. matt: it's now its turn. it's going to tryand break your grapple. matt: make an athletics check.

marisha: against his strength, i guess. ah, 20. matt: 20, okay. you maintain your grip on the umber hulk. it's thrashing in thewater trying to get its way to the surface. (snarls) still slashing about. so it's gonna make itsattacks against you. matt: that is a 14.

matt: 14 hits you? marisha: i'm a bear, my armorclass is 12 right now. matt: well no, you keep your armor class. marisha: i keep my armor class? matt: i'm pretty sure. liam: yes, the answer to that is yes. travis: yeah, you do. liam: definitely yes. matt: nah, let's see real fastactually on this one.

sam: keep subscribingto geek & sundry everybody. matt: exactly. sam: we're going for 1200 subscribers tonight, and if we reach that number... good for you. matt: here we go. liam: sam will write a ballad. sam: i will. matt: you gain the scores--

sam: by the way, this music is just great. matt: it's 12 plus-- it's whatever the 12 is, plus your proficiency modifier,i think is what it is. for now, we'll say it hits. 'cause i don't wanna hold this up. taliesin: there once was a player-- sam: in nantucket? laura: don't. matt: no, you gain its armor class.

marisha: i do gain its armor class. matt: yeah, you do. marisha: so it hits. matt: yeah, it hits you.all right. second strike. that's also gonna hit you. all three hit you. you take six points of slashing damage. 11 points of slashing damage.

and 6, 11, 17-- marisha: it's okay guys. matt: total of 26 points of slashing damage. marisha: i am no longer a bear. matt: so you lose your gripas your form reverts. you are now back tokeyleth's form in the water. sam: and you're in the water! marisha: can i cast a concentrationspell on myself? matt: no, because you used youractions to grapple it.

marisha: and that's it. matt: so you're now just back inthe keyleth form, underwater. you catch your breath andrealize you're now underwater in near darkness with anumber hulk right on you. marisha: hey brah. sup? fancy meeting you here. matt: vax, you're up. liam: okay, so first thing i do is lean down and pick up the snailoff the ground and say,

"hey, um, go fuck yourself." and then i throw him into the waterfall. sam: oh jesus! matt: over here? liam: yeah. go ahead and roll a ranged attack. so just roll, add dexterity. laura: oh gosh, okay okay. liam: great great great.

dexterity you say? 18. laura: no, it's higher than that, yo! orion: no, it's fine if he drowns and dies. liam: oh sorry, yeah, that's 21. 22, 22. matt: you throw, it arcs over. lands in the water. (imitates water sucking)goes under into the waterfall. liam: toodle-oo shitface.

sam: hey wait, he (stutters) he swam away? matt: no, he threw the snail over the waterfall. sam: hey!bye-bye! liam: now, that seems like abonus action to me, right? matt: that's an attack. liam: so then that's an attack, okay. marisha: (laughs) that's an attack. matt: it's the world's easiest grapple throw. travis: you threw him forever.

liam: then i'm good. laura: that's it? liam: well, that's my action, right? liam: and i only have one. sam: you can move, you can move. liam: all right, so then, i'll hop through, throughpercy and my sister. and run up behind the shitheadwho's fucking with keyleth. matt: make an acrobatics check,try to tumble through them.

liam: yeah, that's easy. orion: he's in the water, though. liam: 16 (mumbles) 29. matt: yeah, you're fine, andwhere do you wanna go? liam: right up behind shitface there. and do i have anything left? or do i just get there and stop. matt: well, it was the attack to throw it. you would have your second off-hand.

liam: second attack. well let's stab him inthe ass then, right. matt: well, you have disadvantage'cause it's currently in the water thrashing about, and it's hard to see. well, that's not very good. 15. matt: 15 misses unfortunately. so as you slash down withyour dagger into the water,

it's just too hard to really make out what that form moving is. liam: i still feel pretty good about that round. travis: yeah, it was pretty good. matt: grog, you're up. travis: am i? (grunts) with my frenzied rage renewed, i run towards the water,haunted by nightmares of sebastian in the little mermaid,

and i leap into the water andstart slashing and slashing. matt: go ahead and make yourthree attacks, grog. (liam sings openingnotes to "under the sea") travis: ♫ le poisson, le poisson,hee hee hee, fuck you bitch ♫ travis: 18 plus... that's 26. matt: 26 hits. travis: okay, good.second attack. 26. travis: okay. 25.

matt: go ahead and roll damage, grog. as you come chargingforward, just (grunts), leaving bits of foam cascadingoff the side of your mouth. your eyes just glazed over with white. you bring the axe down into the water, form towards where the splashing is. keeping mindful that keylethmight be in there somewhere. but you're very much see thelarger form in the field, so. travis: it's all about sushi right?marisha: oh, i'm fine.

matt: yeah, so damage on the first strike? travis: eight, second one is 16. matt: eight, 16, that's 24. travis: and 17, thirty. what's 24 plus 10? laura and matt: 34. matt: grog. 34 points of damage. as your axe comes down,slam once into the water.

you see one of the clawsstart pulling itself up out of the surface. it's head's still under the water. you slam the axe down. you see the arm actually snaps and begins to drift down the river. as it looks up at you, its eyes open. before the gaze can meetyours, the axe comes down and plunges itselfdirectly into the forehead

of the umber hulk with ashunk sound. as it does, its body goes limp and beginsto float down the water. laura: well, that was easy. sam: was it? laura: i walk up and try to helpkeyleth out of the water. you help keyleth out of the water. at this point, the snail form, which doesn't have awhole lot of hit points, has taken enough damageto alleviate itself

from the polymorph. as the spell fades, as thesnail form is destroyed, the other umber hulkbegins clawing its way up the side of the mountain, burrows through the actual stonework-- laura: ah, balls. matt: --(imitates explosion) andbursts out of the ground right behind you, vax. (imitates explosion)

vax: oh, fuck a duck. travis: come on, drop this thing. laura: this is why you shouldn'thave thrown the snail. matt: but that's its turn. liam: i thought it would getwashed all the way out. down the toilet, all the way out. matt: all right, that brings usto the top of the round. marisha: it was at least badass. liam: elegant.

marisha: it was very elegant. taliesin: i'm sure it was a wonderful thought. orion: firebolt. matt: okay, roll for it. roll for the attacks. liam: just past it, please. matt: yep, any directed spell like that you have to roll and addyour spell range modifier. orion: sweet, that does not hit.

orion: uh, 11. matt: disadvantage, so. you rolled an 11 total? orion: 10. matt: yeah, you miss. so, as you aim your firebolt(imitated fire shooting) you're just averting your gaze, and it jumps over and arcsthrough the rest of the carvern, lighting it as it goes like a flare.

orion: good cavern. matt: that leads to scanlan. sam: scanlan? matt: actually no, vex is upand then scanlan, sorry. laura: me? matt: you, you. liam: kill it before it kills me. laura: i am gonna keep my gazeaverted, but i just heard it, and i'm gonna--

orion: that rhymed. laura: i'm gonna attack it.with some arrows. so two arrows, notched.(imitates arrows firing) disadvantage on each attack. liam: don't let it eat my head, please. laura: yeah, it's the same. 18. no, lying. matt: 20 hits. go ahead and roll for the second attack.

laura: 19. matt: both hit. matt: go ahead androll damage on each. laura: is this the onethat i hunter's marked? no, the other one hunter's marked. matt: the other one was, yeah. laura: okay, that's fine.10 plus 13 is 23. matt: but you could switchover your hunter's mark. laura: and i switched over my hunter'smark as my bonus action.

matt: with your bonus action. laura: so i add the-- oh, one. matt: so a total of? matt: 24 points of damage. all right, got you. (imitates arrows flying)the arrows end up piercing part of the armor. each sink in a good, solidsix, seven inches or so. it angrily (wet snarling) at the impact,

but it wasn't enough forceto send it back at all. but it knows exactly where you are. that brings us to scanlan. sam: scanlan's gonna moveright in front of where-- i believe that's percy? liam: save the day, scanny. laura: oh yeah, i should've ran trinket up there. liam: repeat, just like last week. sam: toss another dice to percy,he seems to need them.

sam: and i'm gonna castlightning bolt at the thing. who's wet from being in the water, yes? so electricity is gonnabe pretty bad on him. so, because you're kind of avertingyour gaze to look away-- sam: disadvantage. matt: no, because you don't roll to attack. but it gets advantage on its saving throwbecause of that aspect. matt: so, it rolled natural 20 for its saving, so it takes half damage.

but go ahead and roll your 8d6, it's the lighting bolt. sam: 8d6. matt: arcs out from your fingers.(imitates lightning) sam: 8d6, 8d6. 8d6?! sam: 8?! sam: shit! uh, six, seven, eight, nine, 10, 11, 12.

13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19,20, 21, 22 (mutters softly) 28! matt: 28, okay. 14 points of damage to the umber hulk as the bolt of lightningcascades through its body. it lights up for a second as you see the crawling fingersof electricity kind of shoot through its plates. sam: i like crawling fingers.

matt: indeed. orion: that was the name ofthe one girl, wasn't it? marisha: oh, i loved crawline, she was so nice. matt: as the bolt grounds itself, the rest of the water onits form evaporates from the sheer force of the electricity. you see the umber hulk still standing. angry, in pain, andstanding, although it's still looking a little worse for wear.

you don't wanna do that to an umber hulk. sam: you're right. taliesin: taking my shot, i'm averting my eyes, so. sam: use those dice, use those dice. taliesin: 24 to hit. matt: that was the disadvantage? taliesin: at the disadvantage. matt: awesome, that hits. taliesin: that's 1d8 plus five.

that's, ugh, that's terrible. that's six points of damage. i'm taking my second shot. liam: shoot it in the mouth. marisha: oh wait, but it's disadvantage. taliesin: i rolled twice. so i rolled a 19 and a 20, which means-- marisha: which are both your critical, right? which are both my criticals.

so a critical at a disadvantage. travis: sick, nasty. taliesin: just point, nyah, nyah! liam: yes percy.critical on a disadvantage! matt: well done. taliesin: so i'm also gonna spend my die. liam: whatever your last name is again. sam: the die is for the attack. matt: it's for attacks, skills,and saving throws,

not for damage. taliesin: that's, uh... five, six, seven, eight,that's 11 points of damage. travis: finish him. matt: 11 points of damage from the first one. taliesin: 11 points of damage from the second one. marisha: but that one's critical. so it doubles, right? taliesin: it's just 1d8 becomes 2d8, right?

matt: correct, yeah. taliesin: yeah that's-- yeah. matt: okay, it's 11 points damage.gotcha. so, as you rear backyour shot (imitates gun firing) it resounds. it hits the plate, shattersit on the other side of its chest. you can now see thisweird purplish goo beginning to spill from its wounds.

you see it's holding itself up, and it's having a hard timekeeping physical form there. marisha: oh. um, cool. (liam laughs) orion: word. marisha: word. i'm still a person. i'm gonna go ahead and alsodo a call lighting spell. bam, call lightning right on its head.'cause he's wet.

matt: call lighting it is. matt: so, as you begin to complete your spell, you can see now the upper arch, the 100 foot archway, theceiling of this area begins to fill with this strangecloudy, thunderous booms, as a raincloud is createdand summoned across the rooftop. at which point, keyleth frees her hand up and pulls down as a singlebolt streaks through the air, slamming into the samelightning bolt wound

that you left previously on it, where the edges of itsarmor are still glowing from the heat. go ahead and roll damage. marisha: got him right in the ass. it just gets straight damage? matt: yeah, it gets a bonus onits saving throw, though. or advantage. which it makes.

marisha: i get 3d10. matt: 3d10. all right, go for it. marisha: 6, 7-- matt: it is no longer outdoors-only. matt: it gets a bonus for being outdoors. marisha: 11 damage. matt: 11 damage to the umber hulk. which is halved.

he made a saving throw, to a six. marisha: saving throw, mm. cause you're having to avert your gaze. you're trying towork out this whole thing where you're all basicallyat a severe disadvantage fighting this thing, unless you want to be completely fucked over. all right. sam: should have created sunglassesfor him or something.

travis: we have two of its eyes. laura: ugh, it's still alive. matt: it turns and runs past, to the one who shot itwith the angry lightning bolt. matt: the tiny gnome that nowis a delicious morsel in the mandibles of an umber hulk. it comes running forwardlike a giant armored gorilla. (grunts) matt: reaching back with both of its claws, swiping at you scanlan,that is a 23 to hit.

sam: oh, yeah. matt: 25 to hit. matt: its mandibles are 24 to hit. sam: that hits three times. you take 13-- laura: oh, no! liam: but you're so little. sam: ooh! matt: 38 points of slashing damage.

this is the sound i make. (high-pitched wail) matt: as it just strikes you,all of its form now, you're almost pinned to the ground, blood oozing from your faceas gashes, slash wounds are across your entire body. it's looming over you, ready to try and finish you off next round. laura: ugh!

matt: that brings us to vax. so, he's now got his back turned to me. i'm just gonna stick bothknives into his guts and say, "no one touches the gnome!" liam: right in his guts, that's shit. so, fuck that. and this one is way better. so that's 27. matt: 27 hits definitely.

liam: okay, this is the flametongue. matt: it is considered flanking,because scanlan is there. oh yes. liam: four plus two is six. (sam sings along with dramatic music) liam: two, three, fuck, four, fuck, seven, nine, 18, 24 damage. with the second knife, sneakattack into his ball sack. matt: how do you want to do this?

(group yells triumphantly) liam: i stick it in the backof his his spider nads. and rip it out his bumand out the back of him. laura: gross! liam: and just spill it all out the bottom. (all talking at once) sam: i'm right next to him,it might spill on me. liam: that's all right, that's all right. matt: as it's looming overscanlan who's on his back,

it's tearing into him andstarting to gut him best it can. he's screaming from beneath. you rush underneath, tumble,bringing your dagger up and slam it right underthe bottom of its abdomen. laura: balls. matt: as you do it, (snarls),looks down towards you and right before its gaze can meet yours, you yank back with all your might, basically scissoring andjagged drawing the blade

up the back of its body. as you do it, (imitates vomiting) leaps forward. it's now-soft torso and belly left open from the armor plates being shot off, spills a number of its warm innards right onto scanlan's body and form. sam: ugh, no! it went in my mouth!

matt: and then it collapses on top of him.. sam: ah! matt: you take six points of crushing damage as the umber hulk collapses on top of you. travis: i run over and shove theumber hulk off of scanlan. sam: ugh! ah! laura: oh my gosh. sam: what just happened? marisha: i go over to scanlan, and i just,

i just lay my hands on him, and i cast cure wounds in a level 2 spot. liam: nobody touches my man-wife. sam: what's that spell do? marisha: you do-- it's 2d8 plus 10 healing. sam: you roll, right? taliesin: yep. marisha: do i roll or does he? matt: for which spell is this?

marisha: i'm doing cure wounds on level two. matt: cure wounds, level two?2d8 plus five. marisha: do i roll? matt: you roll. marisha: so you heal, 16, 20 points. sam: thank you. matt: so, as you heal him,touch him with the spell, you wipe the umberhulk ichor off of your hand. orion: i cast prestidigitationand clean everybody up.

laura: maybe you should jumpin that water, scanlan. travis: you should get in the waterand clean yourself off. taliesin: we have running water.use running water. sam: i think i wanna keep it on. orion: he's clean already. travis: as a badge of honor? sam: it's a badge of honor. liam: like the walking dead, you're gonna sneak by the rest of 'em? sam: i think i'm gonna keep the blood on me,if you don't mind.

laura: alright. matt: that's, uh... okay. travis: gross. sam: warning to others. matt: so, you still hear the rushingof the water down below. you now stand at thisportion of the cavern, the dull glow in the distanceof some sort of light source in that direction. the rest of the caverns opens up this way.

travis: let's go towards the light. sam: can we take a short rest and heal up? travis: no, i run. laura: short rest, short rest. travis: no, running. liam: running?! sam: why don't you let some people heal? matt: grog goes running. grog, who's interested.

travis: i'm frenzy raging. sam: oh god, grog! grog, no! travis: it's a bright, shiny thing.i'm going there! laura: he is frenzying. liam: i'm unscathed, so i run after grog, just to give him backup if he needs. marisha: i'll follow after vax. matt: all right, you guys head out.

eventually, you comearound the corner to see what looks like a campfire. orion: i follow as well. travis: aww. matt: it looks like a setupwith a small bundle of, what looks like bedding. there's a campfire set up. it's mostly out at this point. like there's still a littlebit of a flame flicker

to it, but it's justembers for the most part. does not appear-- travis: i start hacking away at the bedding. just chopping the shit out of it. sam: jesus! matt: grog starts hacking away at the bedding. liam: i'm just watching and shrugging. laura: no, look and search aroundand see what's in the bedding. liam: i try to keep like six orseven foot difference--

matt: (arrows whooshing) sam: oh, no! liam: fuck! matt: three crossbow bolts comeflying out of nowhere-- liam: you dick! matt: --two hitting grog. (marisha laughs) laura: why weren't you stealthing? liam: i am now.

travis: somebody likes their bedding apparently. liam: i rolled a 29 of stealth assoon as the first arrow flew. marisha: that was a coleman, alright? that was a very expensive sleeping bag. taliesin: never attack the bedding beforeyou know the thread count. travis: it was 3000 count egyptian. taliesin: god. matt: grog, you take sevenpoints of piercing damage, which is halved to fourbecause you're raging.

travis: right. (grunts) matt: as you can see what looks like three small-- laura: no, they're dwarves. liam: yeah, that's duergar. that's dark dwarves. laura: oh! liam: i consider myself a nerd. matt: and some strange beastyou've not seen before seems to be accompanying one of them.

laura: is that a brain? matt: it looks like an oversized, swollen brainwith a set of claws. liam: it's hanging brain. sam: krang? marisha: brain? matt: it's just like a large brainwith a set of arms and legs like a panther. laura: what? travis: it's the brain bug from starship troopers.

marisha: that can't be good. orion: take that out first. matt: going off the same intiative order. they've gone. liam: i rolled a 29 stealth. matt: yes, i know. so you haven't been seen, andyou have the first action. travis: are they on the same level as us? matt: they are, yes.

liam: so i can dash and still attack? matt: if you'd like to. liam: i would love to. i would love to, uh-- where's this thing? laura: go for the brain. liam: yeah, of coursego for the brain. i'm gonna hang brain. i'm gonna run over--

matt: well if you dash as your action-- liam: oh, i can't stealth? so to stay stealth, ineed to go normal speed? matt: well you can dash as your action, but dash is your, basically a double move. so you move and use youraction to move as well. liam: and that's it. matt: that's all you'll be able to do. liam: um, i'm gonna-- no.i'll you what i'm gonna do.

i'm gonna go-- hey, god. i'm gonna move over here, stealthily. and go for ready. liam: that's what it's called, right? and wait? matt: just wait. liam: and the trigger iswhen this asshole duergar moves forward, i'm gonna stickhim in the back of the neck. matt: okay. all right.

matt: tiberius. you hear grog go, "ugh!" orion: oh, it seems like there'strouble over there. what has grog gotten himself into? marisha: i don't know. (travis moans and strangles) orion: i saunter-- travis: you saunter? sam: saunter.

orion: yes. matt: you jump off your pillar. orion: oh. matt: saunter over here? orion: yeah, i would go around there to-- that's good, i suppose. what's in between the-- between him and that. is that a boulder?

matt: it's a giant raised stalagmite. orion: i see, how tall is that? matt: it's about 25 feet tall. orion: oh crap, okay. matt: all you see is grog standingwith three bolts sticking out of his chest now. (travis imitates wood breaking) orion: i can't do anything too much. liam: grog, i've got the hiccups.

matt: anything else, tiberius? gotta keep this moving. liam: the bolts. travis: right. orion: i'll just cast stoneskin on myself. okay, stoneskin cast on you. that brings us to vex. laura: all right, i can hear themscreaming so i'm gonna run over. call trinket as i'm doing it.

travis: who's screaming? laura: you, you screamed. travis: no, i'm not screaming. matt: do you want to use your full round to move? cause that's as far asyou can move currently. actually you can move two more. laura: can i see anything from that point? matt: all you see is grog over there. liam: they're coveredand he's around the bend,

so i'd run in further. laura: all right, i'll run in further. can i run in and stealth or is that it? matt: uh, you can attempt to. laura: i'm gonna try to stealthas i'm going in. matt: you're at disadvantageon the stealth roll, but go for it. laura: oh, a 20. aw!

17, okay. plus my stealth, which is five. matt: all right, so we'll sayyou're pulled off to the side there. the stealth twins over therebeing all stealthy-like. no one can see what's going on with them. it's like they're related. travis: what's all this stealthing? where's all the killing?

matt: that's your turn. laura: i can't attack anything. matt: scanlan. sam: okay, i'm gonna move right there into the room as far as i can. matt: you can go that far. and cast stinking cloud right there. it's gonna smell like just ass over there. best you can see, andyou haven't really seen

where they are, soyou're kind of like, oh, you have the idea that perhapsthey're over in that vicinity on the bolts around there. so you can cast over in thisarea, which is the only thing you have view of. sam: oh, oh, because that'sa big rock in my view there. matt: this is a big rock right there, yeah. sam: okay, so yeah. i'll put it right where you'resaying, right there, yeah.

matt: okay, that's about where you can go. all right, so (hisses), a giant-- travis: ass cloud. matt: --green, ass cloud-- orion: scanlan, are youdoing an ass cloud again? matt: --begins to fill this space here. as it does, they allbegin to hack and cough. you can hear this nowbetween the rest of you,

echoing throughout. travis: i'm slightly aroused. orion: i was just going to say. travis: i'm drawn to the smell. sam: (imitates flute) --stinks. matt: ♫ constitution saving throws.everything in the cloud. ♫ sam: (imitates flute) --stink. matt: ♫ all them are failing. ♫ orion: doing stink magic.

matt: all right. you hear a cacophonousamount of hacking, coughing, as all of them drop their attack stances and begin just retching, nearly vomiting, in the middle of this green cloud of gas. travis: outstanding. sam: i'll also take a great heal potion? is that what they're called? not moderate. matt: yes, greater.

sam: great, greater, okay. i'll do that by myself. you keep going. matt: okay, greater healpotion is 4d4 plus four. matt: all right, that brings us to percy. taliesin: i'm going to startcrawling around the-- i have a little thingy. someone took the thingy. oh, laser pointer.

thank you. liam: hello, hey. travis: it's a black light. taliesin: i'm gonna start headingdown this direction, and i'm going to actuallyspend a movement, spend my action and movea little further down, about, yeah, about there, so i can start gettinga good look of what's up. matt: okay, good.

all right. that brings us to keyleth. marisha: okay, so i am going to take this and move up to about here, i guess. marisha: is where i can see. and then i'm gonnatake this little block of stone right here, this stalagtite or mite or whatever it is-- marisha: --and i'm gonna use wall of stone. and instead of creating a wall,i'm just gonna take that one

and i'm gonna push it (imitates thudding) against that wall andtry and crush those guys. travis: whoa! matt: wait, you're gonna usewall of stone to try and push that back? marisha: i'm gonna take this wall, and i'm gonna go crunch. sam: oh my god. travis: can you do that?

taliesin: that's kinda harsh. we'll find out. laura: i like that that's the most common quip. "can, can you do that?" sam: you can actually do that? orion: it's like earthbending. marisha: i'm trying to earthbend this wall. sam: hey grog. did you ever write downour underwater spell, potion thingies, whateverthose were called?

travis: we got two of 'em. sam: yeah, did you right it down, though? 'cause i didn't. travis: what they were? taliesin: she's got waterbreathing, so. matt: so how it works is, wall of stone, you can create a wallof stone, but it cannot occupy the space of a creature. so you will not be able topush them back, unfortunately.

but you could lock them into an area, if that's what you wanted to do. sam: the man telling us whatwe can and can't do. matt: it's the nature of the spell, guys. marisha: yeah, that's a waste of time. instead, i will-- i still got a call lightning going. fuck it. i'm just gonna lightningbolt some bitches.

you don't have view of any ofthem right now, unfortunately. marisha: well, then i move to where i can. sam: yeah good. cop attitude with the dm. travis: yeah, yeah. sam: the man in charge of our fates. taliesin: that always goes really well. matt: that'll be your turn. sam: because of the attitude.

matt: you moved had to get a long distance. marisha: did i? matt: yeah, because you were back here. laura: yeah, was really far away, yo. i've got a decent speed, okay, fine.that's my turn then. matt: sorry. liam: fuck those wizards of the coast, man! i do what i wanna do. marisha: fucking seattle assholes.

orion: i love seattle. liam: so do i. matt: and what's the dc again of your spell? sam: ah, oh. sam: spell save dc, is that right? 19. matt: 19. all right. all three of the-- and youcan now get a view of them. they are dwarven, but theirskin is ashy and grey. their eyes are white and pupil-less.

and they are all on theverge of vomiting right now. they're both just keeling over. one of them tries to bring a crossbow up, and (imitates vomiting) hasto put it back down again. they are unable to act this turn. the weird brain creature, however-- marisha: that's awesome. travis: what, has no nostrils? taliesin: there's nowhere for him to retch from.

matt: it moves out of the cloud,looks over at you grog. sam: oh, no. matt: and just bears down for a second. and you feel this... intrusion in your mind. travis: on my professor-torial mind. matt: go ahead and make anintelligence saving throw. sam: oh, those aren't good for you. taliesin: well this, this ends poorly.

travis: oh good, my modifier's negative 2, so yippee-kye-ay-eh. six. orion: good roll. taliesin: good roll. marisha: that's a good number. matt: you suffer nine points of psychic damage as there's a sudden blastof excruciating pain in the center of your brain.

it actually shakes youa moment from your rage, which then fills your mind once again. travis: like kenny g musiccoming through my brain. taliesin: someone needs ajuggernaut helmet. matt: also, you suffer-- marisha: he needs a magneto helmet. taliesin: yeah, he needs the full magneto. matt: --8 points of intelligencedamage technically. you immediately fall unconscious.

(laura gasps) marisha: what?! matt: your intelligence is brought to zero. travis: ah! but i was at six! liam: you gotta kill that thing. travis: i turn into a turnip? matt: that brings us to-- orion: tiberius, i mean--

matt: yes, you're tiberius. orion: i say-- matt: you just watched grog just go (groans) and fall to the ground. almost into the campfire. travis: it's like when i tried to read50 shades of grey. (groans) orion: okay, i'm gonna-- taliesin: around the bear. orion: okay, i'm gonna goright up to where grog is.

orion: right there, right in front of him. now can i see the brain fucker? matt: yes, you can from there. marisha: the brain fucker. matt: the brain fucker's official name. taliesin: brain lover, brain lover. orion: ooh, you're a nasty one. marisha: he's a lover, not a fighter. orion: i'm gonna fire a glacialblast at this dude.

matt: okay. single targeted beam. taliesin: lobey. marisha: lobey. taliesin: we're gonna name him lobey. marisha: let's call him lobey. (laura laughs) matt: makes its saving throw. taliesin: "lobey, no!" matt: what's your dc?

orion: my dc is 17. matt: it just rolled a 17, makes the saving throw. so half damage. taliesin: take him everywhere. orion: four, six, and 8d6. taliesin: our little lobey. marisha: can we call him jeff, jeff lobey? sam: is that campfire still firing? taliesin: jeff lobey.

matt: it's embers, yeah. 21, 22, 23. 24, 26, 27, 22. 29 damage. matt: 29 damage? (taliesin laughing) matt: as you put your arms out, you focus this blast of justfreezing cold arcane energy that slams into the sideof this brain creature.

taliesin: jeff lobey, thank you. matt: as it does, you see it beginsto freeze its entire body. as it reaches up and triesto climb up it solidifies and then shatters into ahundred million pieces. sam: oh, the brain's dead. taliesin: you killed jeff lobey! marisha: you killed jeff lobey. sam: lisa loeb? marisha: lisa lobey!

they just keep going! matt: lisa loeb and then thenine intelligence damage. so the brain just (imitatesshattering) cascades across the ground. liam: lisa lobey. matt: and thank god. vex, you're now seeing three dwarves retching and coughing over, kind of looking about very nervously.

laura: can i move to where i can geta line of site on that one? matt: on this one here? matt: yeah, you can move to thereand get a line of sight. laura: okay cool, theni'm gonna shoot him. oh wait, no, i can't. sam: why? laura: yeah yeah yeah, i'm gonna do that. liam: you still have a little bit of cover. laura: i'm gonna do-- it's fine, i got it.

i'm really good. liam: just be a badass, okay?that's your job. 27. liam: are you alright, big guy? liam: "muh!" laura: oh, i should've tried to-- it's okay. liam: "muh! muh!" sam: it's weird, grog weirdly seems smarter now than he was before. laura: hunter's mark on that guy.

sam: beep boop. matt: good remembering. marisha: professor grog's having a hard time. laura: 11. matt: 11, all right. laura: 11, and then i'm gonna hit him again. and that's a 23. laura: and that is nine damage for that arrow. and then the six for ahunter's mark is five.

matt: so a total of...? laura: oh jeez-louise, 30 plus five is... 35. matt: (imitates arrows flying) "ugh!" the hacking, coughing duergardwarf is like, (coughs) one in the shoulder,and the other shoulder. and it looks like thatyou, (inhales sharply) as it inhales a big old whiffof horrible stinking cloud gas, the arrow (imitates arrow flying) through its throat

and out the back of its head. falls flat on its back. matt: the other ones look nervously about. marisha: get him a pillow! what! matt: one of them's just coughing out,saying something in undercommon. (speaks in angry gibberish) matt: anyone here speak undercommon? laura: i do! matt: you do?

sam: you speak undercommon? laura: i do. taliesin: oondercommon. laura: i knew we were gonna begoing down into some-- matt: you hear him say, "quick, there's our exit! "back, back to the master." laura: (whispering) back to the master! travis: who's the master? laura: you're unconscious.

sam: ah, shit. i did not understand them, right? so i don't know that they're going to run. travis: let 'em run back to themaster and we'll track 'em. sam: i didn't learn that they're running, so. can i call out that i heard them?say, "don't let them run!" matt: no, this happening just as you heard them. sam: okay, well. i don't have a good line of sight on them,

so i don't even know thatthey're there really, right? i just hear coughing in the distance. then i'll just move furtherinto the cavern there. and i don't know that this works, but i'll try to cast dispel magic on grog. sam: i don't know if that, if it's magic. i have no idea. matt: so you go ahead and youfocus, you cast dispel magic in grog's vicinity.

sam: ♫ wake up, grog ♫ matt: you see the shift of arcane,waving energy. travis: ♫ if i only had a brain ♫ matt: it does not seem to have an effect. sam: it doesn't do it! damn it! then as my bonus action, can i still give him an inspiration dice to do on like saving...? matt: you think at this point,grog isn't unconscious.

grog is catatonic. grog has no intelligence. there is nothing home. you see him, on the ground,drooling, eyes glazed over. there is nothing there. taliesin: you can't inspire a cantaloupe. laura: what are we gonna do? taliesin: the cantaloupe,it's not gonna feel better about itself. sam: okay, then i give my dice to vax.

taliesin: i've tried insulting a cantaloupe,you just don't get anywhere. sam: vax, i've just inspired you.(imitates flute) matt: i think the chat room's catching onfor those who know d&d well. liam: okay, i hear a littleshithead grey-skinned dwarf-- sam: wait, it's not your turn. i just gave you dice. i thought you said vax.okay, sorry. matt: it's all right. so that ends scanlan's turn.

liam: damn it. taliesin: laser. i'm going to take my laser. matt: your laser? point your laser? (liam imitates ray gun) taliesin: all right, i want to crawl forwardto the other side of grog over there, so i can see this little jerk. matt: it's a tough call, he has cover. you can still see him.

taliesin: i ignore cover. it's one of my magical things that i do. liam: three-quarters coveraccording to the new rules. marisha: yeah, he's got a gun. taliesin: yeah, i ignore half or three-quarters cover. matt: then you can ignore three-quarters cover,which he has. so, yes. taliesin: okay, i ignore it. i'm also going to take a penaltyto my attack bonus to attempt to do some damageand to not kill, but injure, if possible.

taliesin: i wanna leave one for questioning. so go ahead and rolldisadvantage on this attack. or do you want to just do subdual damage,which is what you're doing? all right, so you're gonna aim in a waythat doesn't do lethal damage. go for it. matt: it's a normal attack,there's no penalty to it. taliesin: just my penalty for extra damage. i crit! so that's fun.

let's roll damage. 9, 10, that's 25 points of damage. matt: 25 points of damage. all right, you run around the corner,pull the gun out, and aim at this like-- (coughs) where you look now, you see thisghastly looking, evil, female-looking grey-skinned dwarf. looks over at you and (gasps) reacts and goes for her weapon.

as you do, you let loose and fire straight into her shoulder, blastingthrough most of her shoulder, exposing bone. it's not a deahtblow, but you see she has been incapacitated. orion: nice. taliesin: that's my turn. laura: i call out, "let one of them live, so i can question them." taliesin: that's-- we got one.

matt: keyleth, you're up. marisha: we got one? taliesin: we got one. marisha: well, then. matt: that dwarf survived. with one hit point. marisha: if we got the guy we need. i will move over a bit. yeah.

and... (imitates energy firing) matt: all right, go for it. liam: vines? matt: first off, make a constitution save,'cause you stepped into a stinking cloud. unless you wanna move back here. there you go. marisha: not having control. matt: laser pointer. marisha: i do (mumbles).

so that is... what is that? 22? matt: 22 points of damage. all right. so the bolt streaks fromthe cloud in the sky, slamming into this other duergar. as it sparks into the ground,you see bits of stone get thrown up from thesheer force of the bolt, doing a sincere amount of damage to it.

not enough to finish it, butit looks very, very fucked up. you can see part of its faceis charred now, and it's reeling from the blast. probably blew out its eardrumsfrom the cacophonous blast of the thunder. marisha: that's my turn. it's now both of their turn. they both failed theirsaves with a two and a four. they're both still hacking and coughingin the stinking cloud. uh, go bards.

vax, you're up. liam: okay, and there's a big cloudof poo stink around them, so-- matt: correct, so all here. orion: "the poo cloud," keyleth calls it. liam: god dammit. all right. marisha: do i? "the poo cloud." liam: fuck it. sam: just go in there, man. liam: i'm gonna hold mybreath, and i'm gonna go

one, two, three, four, five, and grab this guy around the neck and hold my daggers to his neck. and just hunker down andtry to hold him hostage. go ahead and make a constitution check. travis: a dirty mafia check? liam: is that a, is that a-- matt: with advantage, becauseyou're holding your breath. 14.

travis: just breathe it in. sam: use the dice! use the dice! liam: what did you give me? sam: a d8. liam: 22. sam: no, it's not an eight. a gotta roll it. matt: roll a d8 to add to it. liam: it came up a one. travis: 22!

matt: so, as you rush in the cloud,(breathes deeply) you run in, pull your daggers out, and because this isn't a natural cloud,the arcane force puts it in your nostrils and you can't help yourself. (coughs) your turn immediately ends as you begin feeling your lunch retching up into your stomach. travis: puke on him. matt: okay. that brings us to grog. you are a--

travis: oh, i got it. (blows raspberry) matt: you are brain-dead. tiberius, you're up. laura: so sorry, grog. sam: can we heal him, what is it?what do we need to do? marisha: we'll figure that out whenwe kill this guy, i guess. laura: restoration? liam: can you dispel that shit?

sam: i tried, i tried. marisha: he can't dispel it,it's not magic. but i might be able to cure him afterwards. liam: tiberius, can you dispel that shit? orion: it's the same spell. laura: it's a restoration spell, it's not a dispel. marisha: i might be able to. orion: so, the guy knocked down over there is-- let me see that pointer.

this guy, that's the one thatwe knocked out with the arrow? taliesin: yeah, that's the dead one. orion: the dead one or the one we knocked out? taliesin: he's dead. orion: who do we have incapacitated? taliesin: that's the one we shot. marisha: that's the one liam has. laura: let one live. orion: and the one right here is...?

liam: the one by me is weak. matt: both of them are prettyweak right now, actually. orion: i think i can step next to percywithout stepping into that cloud. matt: so you can step over grog,get around here, you mean? laura: (laughs) honk. travis: that's-- come on. orion: sorry, excuse me, grog, pardon. i will shoot a firebolt at the butthole across the way. matt: there? all right.go ahead and roll for the attack.

orion: 14. unfortunately does not hit. you aim, and it manages tojust pull out of the way. matt: vex. you're up. laura: i step over, and i try to shootthe one that he just-- i stay out of the stink. matt: there you go, yeah. pull back-- (imitates bow shooting arrow) matt: roll to attack.

laura: 23. matt: that hits, go ahead and roll damage. laura: 8. matt: that's enough. as the arrow (imitates arrow flying),careens off, slams into the chest. (groans) it catches itself, steps back, and plummets off the side of the cliff onto the lower floor about 20 feet down. smack, onto the ground.

laura: and i ask scanlanto dispel the stank cloud. taliesin: dispel the stank. laura: and i yell--can i yell out "surrender" in undercommon? matt: you yell out, (speaks angry gibberish)! (laura speaks angry gibberish) matt: make an intimidation check. travis: that was a very good klingon translation. laura: klingon. (liam speaks angry gibberish)

whoa! okay. um, eight. matt: eight? laura: eight. liam: what is with the dice tonight? matt: it rolled a one. matt: it looks around and itscircumstances being extremely dire. it drops its weapons, falls to its knees. at your mercy.

that's where we'll end the game tonight. sam: oh!taliesin: hey! laura: you're, you're-- yeah. sam: grog is brain dead. marisha: i was gonna say, can igo over and heal grog before we end? travis: i'm vanilla sky right now. matt: nope, we're picking up next week. liam: just five more hours, matt.just five more hours. matt: we'll say for the circumstance here,

you go ahead and spenda healing spell on him. his wounds mend, no effecton his catatonic state. sam: we have to wait a week. matt: well guys, that's episode twoof critical role. (laughs) marisha: damn it. matt: i hope you enjoyed it. remember to tell yourfriends to come watch. we'll be back next week, thursday at 7:00.

i know the schedule said seven to nine. we usually run a little later. because d&d and why not? laura: oh, is this seven to nine? matt: it says seven to nine in the schedule, but we consider seven to ten. but yeah, hope you guys had fun. thank you so much for watching. hope we will have ourdonations up next week.

feel free to check it out. this is zac, our amazingmaster of all awesomeness on this twitch channel. hey zac, what's going on? zac: hey, good job, guys. matt: thank you, thank you. zac: you got a thousand subscribers. zac: crazy, that's like, two weeks in. you go, nyal.we'll get you your stuff.

marisha: yeah, you get a player's handbook. that's lucky. zac: we'll get you your shit! i gotta print that photo soyou guys can all sign it. matt: yes yes, let's go do that. zac: no, it'll probably besent to you next friday, 'cause we'll have you guyssign it next thursday. laura: sounds good. matt: okay, cool. travis: zac, do you have any renewintelligence potions on you, by chance?

zac: for you? zac: no. travis: shit. matt: sorry buddy. zac: so we're not going offlinefor the night yet. these guys are gonna head out and lucas and i are gonna playsome hotline miami 2. for an hour, hour and a half. matt: there you go, rock it out.

zac: you know, just to close out the nightwith a subscriber-only chat to say thank you to ourthousand subscribers. and tomorrow night we will be backwith so you don't have to, which is a show where hector and beccaplay the weirdest games they can find online,so you don't have to. zac: and then we finish off tomorrow nightwith gather your party, which is just a big partywhere we're going to be celebrating getting 1000 subscribers,playing some board games. we have a band coming in to play.

matt: awesome. zac: it's gonna be a good time. we might even have a dj spinning some--i don't know. how do you say it? spinning? travis: some tunes. matt: spin tunes. travis: dropping some dope beats. orion: on the ones and twos.ones and twos.

zac: so thank you guys again. lucas, if you wanna go aheadand roll those videos, and we'll get you guys out of here. matt: thank you guys for watching. all: bye!

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